Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Long Distance Hug


I got a "hug" today.

He loves me.
He supports me.
He is honest with me.
He doesn't sugar coat things just to make me feel better.
He treats me with respect and as an equal.
He is a good listener.
He offers advice, solutions and empathy.
He doesn't get short with me when I am crying.
He doesn't interrupt me when I'm rambling.
He accepts my feelings.

I really needed that "hug" today.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Language Barrier, Blogging and a List



Today we spoke on the phone. I was on the computer and Vern showed up on the IM so I told him I'd just call. We always have a good time on the phone. I love hearing his voice, that sexy southwestern British accent. Whew! Vern read my blog and liked it. I wasn't worried, he is supportive in anything that I do but since this involves him, I did ask if it was OK... and he approves.

I asked Vernon if he noticed that I used the word "dodgy" in my blog. He said "yes" and that he's very impressed. Funny. Why is it that his language is rubbing off on me? Yes, I do watch a lot of BBC and he sends me lots of DVD's but sometimes I don't get all the jokes. There was one joke that I heard over and over again, never understood it until lately, and I can't seem to remember it... Oh yes! In one episode of "Vicar of Dibley" the group is discussing the vandals of the town, and how they vandalized the sign at the "Tuck Shop". Well, it sounded like they said "tuck" but what the heck is a tuck? So I figured they said "Tack" as in horse stuff, but then I thought, "How do you turn 'tack' into a bad word?" So I just gave up on understanding the joke. Then one day Vern used the word "tuck" in a sentence. I asked him to repeat it, and then I was like, "There is that word! What does it mean?" And when Vern explained to me what a tuck shop was it all came together. I felt as if he answered the question of the universe... to which the answer is 42 but we can discuss that on another day. For you Americans who don't speak "English" a tuck shop is like a convenience store, a 7 Eleven, Kwik Trip, something of that sort. I just felt that "dodgy" was the only word I could think of. There are other words I use... I call my linen closet a cupboard. I keep linens, towels, and bathroom items in there, not cups... yet I call it a cupboard. Don't worry, my bedroom closets are still closets for now. Half the time I say "shop" instead of "store" and "film" instead of "movie". I asked him today why it's happening to me and not him... but he confessed... "I say 'sure' instead of 'of course'". I laughed!

As we were talking about our kids and the challenges we are facing right now with our 18 yr olds, he was checking out this Blogger site. He was quite intrigued (oh yeah, I say "quite" a lot more too) with this whole blog thing. He asked me how it works and I really didn't have many good answers for him because I'm new at this. I do want my blog noticed, but not by everyone that I know, just people that can relate to our situation and a few of my closest friends who I know wont think I'm being stupid by keeping a blog. I've always been a writer. I kept journals all my life, until the day I found pages missing from one of my books. It was my "now" ex-husband who went through my sock/underwear drawer for whatever reason and found it. Not sure what the hell he was looking for, but he couldn't read English so ripped out some pages and took it to someone to translate. What a dick. Well, that was the last entry I made. I tried keeping journals since, but it wasn't the same. Things are different now, technology has changed, and I need some sort of outlet since I don't get to talk to Vernon every day. I think he will feel closer to me with this blog, he will read things that we talked about, read about my memories of our times together and also read about things I wanted to tell him that day or that week and couldn't because one of us couldn't make it to the computer. He's all pumped about this blog of mine, and I am too even more now. He wants to start one, he's not sure on what topic, but he will have that to think about as he goes about his day at work tomorrow. I suggested he browse other blogs to get ideas if he needs to. I can't wait to see what he comes up with. Then we got to the topic of Google. I said to him "I Googled myself this morning" and his response was "That's a bit vain isn't it?" I couldn't stop laughing. Because of my job, I pop up. Then I guess he Googled himself while we were talking and he said, "I found my name, but it isn't me. That's OK though, I don't want to be all over the place." He's so cute.

He's got the day off on Tuesday and is all excited about it. Sounded like a kid who woke up to a snow day. He was naming things he wanted to do and then I suggested he write me a letter. "You mean on paper?" UGH! MEN! He's a computer guy but can't type worth crap. I love when he writes me letters. Then he said he was going to make a list of things he wanted to do on his day off. He names several things, then "take cardboard and bottles to recycling guys, write Kim a letter". I enjoy messing with him and got all upset, "I'm below 'take cardboard and bottles to recycling guys?!?!?!'" Of course, he said he wanted to clear everything off his list so he could dedicate all of his attention to me. Good answer. I rarely get one over on him... he's too smart for me. One of the reasons why I love that guy.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

My first blog post


I'm not sure where to start. I wish I started this 10 years ago, but my access to the internet and computers has been a bit dodgy so what I think this will be are random thoughts and happenings pertaining to my relationship now, and random flashbacks and memories.

I feel very lucky to have Vernon in my life. He is my best friend. I am amazed that we found each other. One day in September of 1999 I decided to look for a support group for young single parents. I was a 28 yr old mother of a 7yr old. I didn't know what I was doing, felt lonely, had no friends and I had nothing in common with the other mothers who were relatively older than me. Being naive as well as very new to the internet I learned quickly that it was full of perverts, especially the chat rooms. I found single parent postings and discussion boards and read a few by some single moms, but they were all looking for men. I looked at the very few postings for single dads and yes... they were all looking for women. I don't want a date, I just want to talk to someone who knows and understands what I'm going through. I expanded my search to a single parenting site based in the UK. Same thing... the single moms were all hot to trot. I came across this interesting post by a single dad. He has a son my daughter's age and an even younger little girl. He was my age, professional, and didn't mention wanting to find a woman. I thought about emailing him, then figured if he turned into a perv I would just stop emailing. Well, he responded and we've been emailing ever since.

Our communication is mostly chat and email. We do write letters, send cards and gifts and several years ago we had monthly phone calls. The calls stopped because of money and because of his hearing condition which has gotten worse over the years. We have just recently resumed the phone calls because he's got hearing aids and a speaker phone now, and I finally have internet at home and subscribe to Vonage World which is GREAT! I try to call him every week, and when he has days off from work I can call him when I get up in the morning. The time difference is usually 6 hours, except for 2 weeks in the spring when it is only 5. I like that. Visits started in Spring of 2002. We tried for every year but as the kids got older and flights got more expensive, it just got too difficult. Vern has made it out here 3 times and I have made it there 3 times. So, over the last 10 years, we have actually been together, on the same continent, a total of 11 weeks. That's a little over 1 week per year. Wow! And I feel we communicate better than most married couples.

I plan on calling him tomorrow. I'll have to tell him about this blog.