Monday, November 19, 2012
It's 10pm and I Should Be in Bed
I'm planning a wedding. I'm going on no sleep because nothing is booked yet. I'm up til 2am looking for cake ideas, music, centerpiece ideas, dresses, you name it. Vernon doesn't want to wait until October so we agreed to pay the extra cost in airfare and do it in July. I'm really excited about becoming his wife, but right now all I can do is cry. He's not here. He's been so supportive but he's not here. I can't IM him now because he's sleeping and works in a few hours. The reason I'm crying is because I just realized that I can't have the one thing that I have always wanted at my wedding, the thing that I have been building everything else around and that is daffodils. I just assumed that they were grown in warm places and in green houses and they were available anytime. I went to a florist and she tried to talk me out of them until I told her how important they were to me. Every time I go to England in the spring, I leave here ass deep in snow and arrive in England to daffodils everywhere. If the florist can get them she said they may be super expensive. We can't do super expensive on anything. I know this is a stupid thing to be upset about but Vern and I have waited 13 years for this... will be closer to 14 when the date finally gets here. You would think I'd be able to have the flower that I want. I thought I'd look for wholesale flowers, that came up empty too. I want to plan something that reflects us and our personalities and daffodils are it. Vernon is so tired when he gets home from work and I bombard him with links and questions and prices and pictures and he doesn't complain and gives me the feedback that I need. He feels bad he can't be here to help and I'm trying to not be obsessive but I want it to be special for him.
I've also discovered something else. We can't be together when we buy our wedding rings. It's like going out to buy a pair of shoes. I'll go out and pick it out and try it on, and Vern will do the same and then we purchase them. We are supposed to do that together and we can't. My ring will have to be put together and Vern will need to try his on for perfect fit. Next time I see him will be for the wedding. This entire process has been fun but stressful and emotional. The LDR veterans who have done this before me... I have no idea how you did it without falling apart. I think maybe I'm just tired tonight.
It's Thanksgiving this week. I can't be with my daughter and I can't be with Vernon. That's got me down as well. This is one bummer of a post and I apologize but I needed to get this out so I can go to sleep. I'm so tired. Thank you for listening and I promise I'll make the next post more upbeat and wedding like.