To: VERNON PHILLIPS
Date: 8 December 1999, 00:48
I hate this! I really hate this! Vernon, aren't we supposed to be JUST
pen pals? I am having a bad week. This is going to be unlike any email
you have ever gotten from me. I am having a bad week. I am lonely. I
am very lonely. It has been a really REALLY long time since I felt
loved, secure and happy. Then you had to say you wanted to dance with
me, "slow". My stomach took a jump when I read that. No one ever said
that to me before. Not even my husband. I don't want to fall for you
but you are not making it easy for me. You are too damn nice and
really funny and easy to talk to. I don't even know what you look like
and I don't care. I was really sad this past weekend when you didn't
call. Really sad. I'm crying now. I am also getting the impression
that you are falling for me. I hope not. It would be impossible, just
impossible. We are too far apart and we both have kids that really
can't leave the country. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming and it's
of me and you and i am in your arms and we are dancing so close and so
slow... Also, if you are falling for me, guys are different than
girls, you may not like the way I look. I'm not skinny.
....You are so wonderful to me Vern, I really
like you. I guess I just have to get out and meet some friends up here
in Michigan. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so lonely. I love your emails,
you are so sweet.
....I think you are very special and INow this is Vernon's response to my gut spilling email.
think of you all the time... all the time. I just felt like spilling my
guts to you tonight. I miss you and hope you write soon.
Thinking of you...
To: Kimberly Jimenez
Date: 9 December 1999, 20:00
Our relationship, being what it is, prevents either of us from falling
too far. I do think about you a lot, and it's clear from reading your
letter that your thoughts have echoed mine, with regards to the
impossibility of our relationship ever going beyond a certain point.
We both have our own lives, our own families, children etc. I would
love to think that we could meet one day in the not so distant future,
but I don't want you to think that I am messing with your mind. I'm
sorry that you are lonely, I know that feeling all too well.
....As usual I am unable to spend the right amount
of time on this letter, and for that I apologise. You deserve a better
effort from me, but before I write again I have to ask, would you
rather I was JUST a pen pal. Your friendship is important to me, and I
don't want it to end, but I don't want to become a problem for you, so
I suppose it's a question of "Do you want a slow dance or not" :-)
Until the next time,
Well, you all know the answer to that question.