I'm On My Way To The U.K.

I've got my plane ticket and new luggage and I'm getting ready to go live with my husband in England.  It has been a very long, expensive and difficult process but we are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

• I have been living with my parents and then friends for a total of a year and seven months, which hasn't been easy for any of us. 
• I have submitted my letter of resignation and presented my employer with a document and resources regarding UK taxes and being an independent contractor in the UK hoping that they will need my services after I move.
• I had to apply for my settlement visa, which was probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It took us months to get the proper paperwork together. For more details, see my post The Visa Application.
• I have been taking trips back and forth to my storage unit going through my things, throwing things away, giving boxes upon boxes to Goodwill. Today I had the ReStore pick up my furniture.  Months ago I even gave my truck to charity.

None of these things have been very easy for me to do but I manage to get this stuff done.  I plan on working from my UK home in the area of Salesforce consulting and administration.  I am very good at what I do and I absolutely love it! I'm hoping to find some work as a consultant or administrator when I get settled.  

My days in the US are numbered... here is what we have planned:

• Feb 1: Vernon arrives in Upper Michigan but very late in the evening.
• Feb 2: Vernon helps me move out of my friends' house.
• Feb 3: Early morning trip down to Madison, WI to spend time with my family
• Feb 10: Back to Upper Michigan to visit with friends and co-workers.
• Feb 12: Head across the UP and over the Mackinac bridge to spend time with my daughter in Kalamazoo, MI. 
• Feb 14: Visit more family in Detroit area.
• Feb 15: Non stop flight from Detroit to London. 

So there you have it. My schedule for my last few weeks here.  I'm worried I wont see everyone I want to see but I promise that I'll be back someday to visit.

There are a few things I haven't quite figured out yet. If you happen to have any advice, experience or input please let me know!

• Banking. I have yet to talk to my credit union about keeping me on as a member but we'll see what happens. I have to have an American account in order to receive payment from my American clients and take care of my ongoing American expenses.
• Mail. I've been looking at these mail scanning/forwarding companies and the security part makes me nervous.  One I've been looking at in particular is Mailbox Forwarding.  I really need to make a decision on this soon.
• Website. I need to create a website for my Independent Contractor status and I'm not even sure where to start.  I have a Google+ account and there is a way to add business information.  I need a new email address too. 

The worst part of this is leaving my daughter.  She's an adult in college and finishing up her last year but it has always been just the two of us.  Soon she will be venturing out on her own finding out who she wants to be, where she wants to live and what she wants to do.  This decision of whether to move or not has been a difficult one but Vernon has made it very clear to us that she will always be welcome to visit or stay any time she wants.  

My Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin links are located in the upper right under my profile photo if you are interested in keeping in touch or utilizing my Salesforce expertise.  

WISH ME LUCK! 

Visa Update

Well, after sending out my application I have been nervous and stressed about the entire process.  My brain kept thinking horrible thoughts; "What if I missed something? What if I made a mistake on the deadline? What if I get someone who is having a really bad day, and decides to reject every application that crosses his desk?"  Well, I tortured myself for a week and a half and then I got an email. It said I had mailed my application and documents to the wrong place.

I sent everything to New York; apparently they haven't processed settlement applications since 2012. Well f**k me. I also sent the wrong kind of shipping label as they don't take hand written FedEx waybills so I made TWO BIG FAT GIANT mistakes. I forwarded Vern the email and I called my mom. I had trouble holding it together when I told her. {As I'm typing this I'm sitting in a public laundromat with my eyes filling with tears as I recall that horrible day. Hope no one notices.} Anyway, I think I made my mom cry. I  just needed my mom that day, it wasn't my intent to upset her but my parents really want Vernon and I to be happy and to be together.  I cried for days, actually lost my appetite for three days and felt like my life was over.  I will never get to be with my husband.  We will have to re-do this entire process and will have to come up with ANOTHER $1,513, but with the way the economy is going, and how the value of the dollar is getting worse, we would never be able to come up with that amount of money again.  I also pride myself in being an intelligent person and to make such a dumb mistake I was so embarrassed.  People were constantly asking me "Have you heard anything?" and I would lie and say "no".  Only a couple people new what I had done and I really didn't want anyone else to know.

Vernon, my wonderful husband, remained positive and managed to keep me from going out of my mind or slipping into a deep depression.  I got the application and paperwork back after a couple more weeks and more shipping costs. I had to go through my paperwork again because they went through everything in New York.  I put it all together again for the immigration folks in the UK and added a cover letter explaining the embarrassing error.  I went to the post office and sent it again, incurring more shipping costs to get everything to the UK and to get my originals back from the UK. THEN!... there was a mix up in Green Bay with my package because they were being dumb, and an amazing USPS employee here in Iron Mountain went above and beyond to make sure my package made it to the UK when it was supposed to.  At this point I'm feeling as if there is an evil force trying to keep me from moving to the UK.

Well, this is how the rest of this went:

• Monday, October 13: UK Immigration received my application and documents per tracking ID.
• Tuesday, October 14: I received an automated email saying they received my application.  I then received a second automated email saying I'm missing the Appendix 2. {WILL THIS NEVER END?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!} I worked on the Appendix 2 that night.  It is a 17 page document.
• Wednesday, October 15:  Finished working on the Appendix 2 and planned on emailing it from work tomorrow morning.
• Thursday, October 16, 6:30am: I received an automated email saying "A decision has been made and my passport will be shipped via UPS tracking ID blah blah blah..." 

Then all hell breaks loose. I am sobbing uncontrollably, get Vern on a hangout, I can barely talk I'm crying so hard, as I naturally assume they have denied me.  "I haven't turned in the Appendix 2 yet!" There was no deadline, it hadn't been 2 days yet. Why would they do this to us? I've worked so hard, I'm employed, I'm responsible, I deserve to live with my husband!  Why didn't they wait for the Appendix 2?  Vernon did some research while I'm hyper ventilating and crying and he's remaining unusually positive.  I think he's being crazy as there is no way they'd approved me.  My passport was picked up by UPS before I even emailed the Appendix 2 but I emailed it anyway.

• Monday, October 20: the package arrives via UPS at work. I have to wait until Vern is home from work and I go into my boss' office and start a hangout.  I open the package together with Vern, he looked like he was about to be sick and felt like this was not going to be good at all, I started to cry before I even got it open.  I found my passport and went through it... > > > > >

YUP, I GOT IT! {CRYING AGAIN}

Working in the UK

As I've mentioned I am moving to England. When I told my boss he informed me that I would be able to continue working from the UK.  At first this sounded simple, just take my computer overseas and just keep doing what I'm doing.  Well, there is a lot more to think about. Should I stay on as an employee? Should I work as an independent contractor? Do I create a business? I'm not even sure.  I don't know whether to create a US LLC or a UK LLC; or if I need to create anything at all. If I create a UK LLC will that create problems for the company I work for? If I create a US LLC will I be paying double taxes? What are the pros and cons of remaining an employee? So many questions.

 I have been reaching out to various resources for help and not getting much of a response, however there is a group on Linkedin that I reached out to and they have sent me an abundance of information that I checked out.  Have some things to research yet as it was all very thorough and kind of complicated.  I have family that is willing to help me out with this stuff too but I still need to get the UK side figured out. It's difficult finding people on the UK side when I am six time zones away.  So far Linkedin has been my best resource. Vernon has reached out to a type of UK Citizen information site. Not exactly sure how they will be able to help him but it's a step into finding the right information we need.  Our goal is to make this as painless as possible for us and my employer.

My biggest fear about moving to England was not having a job.  I've always had a job, since I was a kid.  My father always talked to us kids about working hard and having a strong work ethic.  We all have this.  My mom made many sacrifices and always put us first.  My dad put in long hours and made sure we always had what we needed.  I can't imagine not having a job.  I don't understand how people who deliberately live off the government have any self worth or pride.  I've always wanted my daughter to be proud of me and I don't want her thinking that it's ok to take advantage of the government benefits.  It's ok to get help when needed, but don't ever EXPECT a handout when all you want to do is nothing.  I'll beat her ass before I let that happen.  So far she's made me a very proud mom.

When I finally get to England, it will be nice to combine our households and have that extra bit of cash needed for getting things for our home and yard, going on little weekend getaways and of course, feeding my pizza and movie habit.  I really can't wait to see how frugal I can be with grocery shopping.  I want to get into saving money and finding those sales.  I also believe in shopping local, not a big fan of the WalMarts of the world so anxious to take advantage of the local farmers' markets and shops.

Wish us luck with this entire process. Lots to do and lots to think about.  I am very grateful for being able to keep my job and excited that I will be able to work from home and have dinner with my husband every night.  I'm always looking for advice and resources regarding this employment situation so leave a comment if you have anything for us.

I'm Moving to England!

Never again do I have to endure the extreme pain that this view causes me.  I am moving to England.  This has been something that we have  been talking about for a while and the wheels are finally set in motion.  I am amazed at how difficult and expensive this process is.

 The UK Border Agency has changed their website a few times since we started researching the Visa process and I'm really liking the brand new set up.  Much easier to navigate.  I'm not too fond of the income threshold requirement which was set in place in 2013. I was fearful that we would not meet that, but thankfully we do.  Well, I shouldn't say "we" because they don't care that I make well above the income threshold, they don't care that I am a self sufficient English speaking tax paying American, and they don't care that I have a job and an impressive résumé showing a variety of skills and experience.  They only care about Vernon's income.  We are lucky that he met the threshold so we at least know we wont be denied because of that.  The main areas they will be looking at are:  Finances, Proof of Relationship, Legal Marriage, and me not having a questionable/criminal background or a scary communicable disease.  This process is getting less intimidating the further we go because it's just paperwork isn't it? We don't have to make anything up, we don't have anything to hide, we just have to do what we love doing... telling people about our relationship.

I am a 43 year old mom and I have accumulated a lot of stuff over the years.  I have moved in with my parents and have thrown out, given away or sold most of my belongings, furniture, and household items. That was a very difficult thing for me to do.  I plan on hiring an international mover because I will be bringing along a few boxes and some select pieces of furniture that I am very attached to.  That process will be expensive also.

The MOST difficult part of this will be moving away from my daughter.  She is my world.  We have discussed it and she is not thrilled that I'm moving but she wants me to be happy and she loves Vernon like a dad.  She is attending school at Western Michigan University and her major is English, secondary education. In less than 2 years she will be a teacher somewhere on either coast of the US.  Maybe we can convince her to find a job in the UK? Ha ha, let's get me over there first.

So, not only is this the most stressful, difficult and expensive thing I have ever done in my life, I get offered a little challenge.  I was informed last week that Heidi and I will be homeless at the end of the month.  I cried for days.  Didn't eat much or sleep at all.  I hated everyone except Vernon and Heidi.  I even hated myself because I have finally failed to keep a roof over my kid's head.  In the past we've lived without enough food, months without hot water, managed to live years without a phone, TV, and internet as those items are luxury items, and have gone several days without heat in the brutal UP winters because nobody gives a shit if you are a single mother who can't afford to pay the heat bill, but she always had a roof over her head.  I had nightmares of us living in my car in the parking lot at work. What if people found out? Where would I shower? Nobody wants people in their house, they have stuff to do, family plans, no room, I don't blame them.  Asking the people that I asked was the most humiliating thing I've ever had to do, and they would have helped if they could, but it's not like I'm asking to borrow their lawn mower for the afternoon.  Also, during all of this, my dear husband landed himself in the hospital.  My life was falling apart and getting to the UK seemed impossible now and Vernon is so sick he's in the hospital.  I was afraid to tell him what was going on with me and I ended up doing the selfish thing and dumped my problems onto him.  The thing is, he's the only one I depend on, the only person I can really talk to. He should be, he's my husband. But I should have been a better wife and waited until he was better.  Now he's going to read this and scold me because he wants me to tell him everything that is going on with me, good and bad, because that is the amazing man that he is.  I just know it makes him feel helpless when he can't help me with such problems, just like I feel helpless with him being in the hospital without his wife by his side comforting him.  I will add that mum and dad have been absolutely AMAZING during this time and have taken a lot of the worry and guilt off of me for not being there. Well, Vernon seems to be better and should be getting out tomorrow and I have found a place to live.  A friend has a spare room for me and Heidi and she has already made us feel welcome and wanted; and we haven't even moved in yet.  I don't know if I will ever be able to thank her enough for this.

Another challenge that I faced this week was my boss.  I have been fearing this conversation for months.  How do I tell my boss, who has expanded my skill set, taught me new things, challenged me, and promoted me that I am moving to England?  Well, I did just that and his reaction was that he was happy for me, expecting this conversation sooner or later, and was ready with his answer.  He said I couldn't get away that easy and told me that I would be allowed to work remotely from England after I move.  How amazing is that? I'm going to get to keep my job. I love my job. Thank goodness it's in Salesforce.com and IT. Not everyone can do what I have the privilege of doing which is work from home.  That conversation was yesterday, and I think it finally kicked in today because I really haven't been able to enjoy my good news as I have been focused on Vernon and his health.  This weekend we will celebrate and I will give him all the awesome juicy details during our Google Hangout.

Well this is already ridiculously long but I have so much to say. I will keep you posted and try to document this process.  I've been getting help from a fellow blogger/friend who did the same move and has been very supportive, informative and helpful.  One day I hope to do the same for another soon to be expat.

Two New Years and One Valentine's Day

One of the things that make a long distance relationship difficult is a holiday.  People want to spend the holidays with their loved ones, whether it's Thanksgiving, Christmas, or in this case, New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day.

New Year's Eve is when couples share their first kiss of the year.  Vernon and I had an amazing 2013 by getting married and introducing him to my extended family who welcomed him with open arms.  We are excited for 2014 because this is going to be a great year for the both of us.  Our kids are becoming adults and we are enjoying calling each other husband and wife.  We celebrated 2013 and watched the fireworks over Big Ben and the London Eye.  Vernon turned the computer around so I could see and he sat on the floor.  We were in a silly mood, and had a toast at Midnight Greenwich Mean Time/ 6pm Central Standard Time.  We both had a root beer.

/

Then... 6 hours later at Midnight Central Standard Time we had another toast! I was just planning on going to bed after talking to Vern earlier and he says, "I'll set my alarm early tomorrow and we can see in your New Year".  I wasn't even going to ask him to get up early so I was happy that he wanted to do this.  We had a second toast, root beer for me again and I think he had coffee. I had fallen asleep from 11 to 11:30 so I was not as silly as I was earlier. He caught me dozing too as he tried calling me and I didn't pick up right away. He knows me too well. 

Vernon has not missed one Valentine's Day.  He is always so thoughtful and gets me something wonderful every year.  The packages arrived a week early and I was anxious to open them.  A small box from Amazon and a bigger box from Barnes and Noble cried my name every day... "Kimberly! Open Me!" No matter how much I begged, he would not let me open them.  Then finally, February 13, late at night I got to Google Hangout with Vernon while he got ready for work and I got to open my presents! They were perfect!

Leave a comment below and let me know how you celebrate New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day with your loved ones.  I'm curious to see what will happen on Valentine's Day if we ever spend one together. 

It's 10pm and I Should Be in Bed

I'm planning a wedding.  I'm going on no sleep because nothing is booked yet.  I'm up til 2am looking for cake ideas, music, centerpiece ideas, dresses, you name it.  Vernon doesn't want to wait until October so we agreed to pay the extra cost in airfare and do it in July.  I'm really excited about becoming his wife, but right now all I can do is cry.  He's not here.  He's been so supportive but he's not here.  I can't IM him now because he's sleeping and works in a few hours.  The reason I'm crying is because I just realized that I can't have the one thing that I have always wanted at my wedding, the thing that I have been building everything else around and that is daffodils.  I just assumed that they were grown in warm places and in green houses and they were available anytime.  I went to a florist and she tried to talk me out of them until I told her how important they were to me.  Every time I go to England in the spring, I leave here ass deep in snow and arrive in England to daffodils everywhere.  If the florist can get them she said they may be super expensive.  We can't do super expensive on anything.  I know this is a stupid thing to be upset about but Vern and I have waited 13 years for this... will be closer to 14 when the date finally gets here.  You would think I'd be able to have the flower that I want.  I thought I'd look for wholesale flowers, that came up empty too.  I want to plan something that reflects us and our personalities and daffodils are it.  Vernon is so tired when he gets home from work and I bombard him with links and questions and prices and  pictures and he doesn't complain and gives me the feedback that I need.  He feels bad he can't be here to help and I'm trying to not be obsessive but I want it to be special for him.

I've also discovered something else.  We can't be together when we buy our wedding rings.  It's like going out to buy a pair of shoes.  I'll go out and pick it out and try it on, and Vern will do the same and then we purchase them.  We are supposed to do that together and we can't.  My ring will have to be put together and Vern will need to try his on for perfect fit.  Next time I see him will be for the wedding.  This entire process has been fun but stressful and emotional.  The LDR veterans who have done this before me... I have no idea how you did it without falling apart.  I think maybe I'm just tired tonight.

It's Thanksgiving this week.  I can't be with my daughter and I can't be with Vernon.  That's got me down as well.  This is one bummer of a post and I apologize but I needed to get this out so I can go to sleep.  I'm so tired.  Thank you for listening and I promise I'll make the next post more upbeat and wedding like.

Friday Five - My favorite "English" foods

I have taken a few trips to England to visit my charming English man and I have come to find some foods over there that I can't do without during my visits. They may not necessarily be "English" but I found them in England so to me, they are.

1. Curly Wurlys

I bring home several 5 packs every time I go. I found a bar hidden in my sock drawer today which prompted this theme and I can't wait to enjoy it this weekend!

2. Galaxy Ripple

OMG! I mean OMG! I wanted to try Flake Chocolate and Vernon said that I needed to try a Galaxy Ripple to get the "full experience" of having flake chocolate for the first time. OMG! I brought a bunch of these home too.

3. Black Pepper and Sea Salt Chips-Crisps 

I have to say that the chip selection is not what I'm used to. One year I picked up what I thought was a family size bag and when I got back to the apartment and opened it up IT WAS FULL OF A BUNCH OF LITTLE BAGS! HUH?!?! No wonder we're the fattest country in the world. Anyway... the selection has improved over the years, I can now find American pretzels! Woo Hoo! Anyway, while I was there one year I thought the black pepper and sea salt chips sounded good. I don't know if they were available here in the US, my city in Upper Michigan or simply in my store. Maybe they always have been and I never noticed. Well, I noticed them in England so they are "English" to me. When I am there, those are my snack of choice.

4. Jacobs Jam and Cream Biscuits (Cookies) 

I normally don't buy cookies at home, but these are amazing and I also bring several packages home with me. I've looked for something like this here at home and I have had no luck. I'm sure we have something like them but maybe it's best I don't find anything. That's all I need is cookies in my kitchen.

5. Potatoes

OK, I know what you are thinking... "Potatoes? Um don't you live in the United States? Home of the Idaho Potato?" Yes, and they are yummy! But, what is missing from this picture? Think. Look at it closely... DIRT! Yes! The potatoes in the grocery store where Vernon shops sells potatoes in these plastic bags and they are clean. I love this!! I really dislike scrubbing vegetables, especially potatoes. I buy a bag of potatoes and there is dirt everywhere because there are holes in the bag. If my grocery store sold clean potatoes I would buy them.

OK, so 4 out of 5 is junk food, but believe it or not I always lose weight when I go to England and I think I eat more. I don't get it but it happens. I have my theories but that is for another day and another post.

We have a date in Spain planned!

I was a basketball player and I am a football fan. Americans get a little nuts over Nascar, especially in the south. Why? I have no idea. It’s as boring as golf to me.  I just assumed all racing was the same as Nascar, round and round and round and round and round the same round track.  Well, all racing isn’t as boring as Nascar.

I was Skyping with Vernon today and I was being distracted by Heidi and goofing around with her.  Vernon was being distracted by the TV and searching for the mother ship, uhhhhh I mean a mother board.  Well, he then started to get pretty vocal while watching the TV. “Woah!” and “Oooh!” and “I love it when they race in the rain, they’re all over the road!” I was like, “What are you watching?” He said the blah blah blah race in Canada. I figured it was live and I started flipping channels. I found golf (Aaak!) and Nascar (Aaak!) and then this other race with these cool low little cars and the course was all curvy and twisty and it was wet and as I turned it on this guy was trying to get debris from a recent crash out of the road and freaked as a car came around the curve and he fell so the car had to swerve around him. {breathe!} I bet they both needed a clean pair of shorts after that.

In the upper left corner I saw a logo, F1.  So I asked Vernon, “F1, Formula 1, you know that racing group right?”

“Yes, that’s what I’m watching.”  

Then I saw the Canadian flags and I knew we were watching the same race. AWESOME! Last time we watched the same thing together it was the Royal Wedding.  We started watching the race together. Well, I had an educated guess that F1 racing was international, drivers from all over the world. Since Vernon was into cars and Top Gear I’d figure he’d know the name of England’s driver if they had one. Turns out they have 2 guys, Hamilton and Button. After he said the second name I was like, “I have a button on my shirt-Button?”

“Yes”.

Well, turns out this Button guy was in 4^th place, then 3^rd then 2^nd, and there were a few laps to go.  It was pretty exciting to watch. Those little cars can really get around those hairpin turns.  Then on the final lap the guy who was ahead for several laps lost control for a bit, Button pulled ahead and he won the race. I don’t know if it was fun and exciting because it actually was or because I was watching it with Vernon and we were enjoying it together?  Either way, we are going to watch the next race that takes place in Spain, two weeks from now.

I think we have a date planned. I can’t wait!

A Castle, Shopping, and a Baby!

I have recently been to England to see Vernon. It was only for 2 weeks and I wanted lots of family time. Well, I got what I asked for as his sweet little granddaughter arrived in this world during my visit there. She is so very beautiful! I think he's going to love being a grandpa.

I told Vernon that I wanted to see a castle. He took me to Corfe Castle and it was breathtaking! It was extremely windy, but it was sunny and clear. There was lots of walking and hiking and now that I'm 35lbs lighter, I was able to enjoy all of that walking and hiking.  It was also my birthday the day we came out here. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my 40th birthday!

I am not only blessed to have Vernon in my life; I have a wonderful girlfriend named Victoria. She didn't have to be my friend, but from the first moment we met I think we hit it off. She is loving, caring, generous, supportive and understanding. She is a very good friend to me and it is so wonderful having a girlfriend to hang out with during my trips to England. Yes, I love spending every waking and non-waking moment with my Sweetheart, but a girl needs her girlfriends and I really love and appreciate her. I also have to mention our shopping trips. She knows where all the great stores are, especially the ones that carry clothes in my size. I've picked things up from Peacocks, Bonmarche, and Marks & Spencer. 

Yeovil, Somerset is my favorite place in the world, obviously because of Vernon, his family, and everyone else there that I love. Secondly, I love it for all the SHOPPING!

Vernon and I had such a wonderful time sight seeing, spending quiet time together as a family, welcoming a precious new life into the world, and spending quality time with good friends. I love the way I feel when I am with him, and I love knowing that he will be there for me forever. I really miss him.

 
  

21 DAYS!

This photo was taken during my last trip to England, December 2009. It seems like several years ago. Well, in 21 days Vernon will have his arms around me in Bristol airport and I can't wait. I'm sad that I have to leave the kid behind but she'll be studying for finals. Tonight I got a new camera, nothing fancy, and it was on sale. I have my flip camera for taking videos which I really love, and I've been picking up things like chocolate and Lucky Charms for the kids per their request. I plan on stocking up on Curly Wurlys as  they are mine and Heidi's favorite candy bar! But... I've been eating healthier for the past 2 months, down 25 pounds and I don't know if I'm smaller than I was when this photo was taken. I have all the same clothes but they are so worn and old it's hard to tell. I have a goal to lose 10 more before the trip but we'll see how that goes. I'm not worried about sticking to my new eating habits while I'm there. Europeans eat differently than Americans. We Americans are pigs and eat way too much. I love the smaller portions in the restaurants and even at the grocery store, the family sizes aren't really that big. I'll have to remind Vernon to fill the ice cube trays as I will be drinking lots of water and I like it COLD! COLD! COLD! Lukewarm water makes me gag. Yuk. Two weeks with Vernon isn't enough. It's overwhelming when I get there, then we get into a mode where it just feels so right when we are together. We can sit quietly in the car, in the living room, at the table, I fall asleep on him when we are watching movies, we are each other's missing half. I'll be turning 40 while I'm there. I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday, especially such a special one. I'm going shopping for clothes with a very good friend so that will be exciting. We've gone shopping together before, and we had a blast. Leaving is horrible. Just thinking about it makes me cry. We feel it creeping up on us when there are 3 days left, then 2, then 1, then we're saying goodbye at security and I have to sit all by myself waiting to board the plane. I cry a lot on that day. It doesn't get easier. I've done this several times and it just doesn't get easier. It's almost easier not going at all, but that's just flipping crazy. I want us to do lots of relaxing, lots of talking, cooking, and I want to watch movies. I did recently whine to him about wanting to visit a castle so he sent me several choices and I'll be picking out where I want to go. I still have to pick up some dramamine so I don't have a repeat performance of the time Heidi and I had our faces in the barf bags as we were roughly coming in for a landing in North Carolina. That was terrible! It's going to be a long 21 days.

Long Distance Relationship Q&A

The site that I am a member of, www.lovingfromadistance.com, has a facebook page. Lately they have been posting a couple questions per day. I have had fun answering them so I thought I would post my answers here.

Q: What guilty pleasure do you have from being in a long distance relationship? (ldr)
A:  I don't have to shave my legs if I don't want to.

Q: Name one thing you like about where your bf lives.
A: The English. I don't know if it's a country wide trait or if it's just a trait the people in the southwest have but everyone makes me feel welcome and they are so very friendly. I'd also have to say that when I visit, it's usually in March/April so here I'm leaving behind blizzards and ice storms and arriving into beautiful weather where there are yellow daffodils EVERYWHERE. When I see yellow daffodils, I think of England.  

Q: What is the last negative thing someone said regarding your bf or your ldr?
A: Well, anyone that knows Vernon would never have anything negative to say about him. He's that kind of man. I do recall an incident where a male friend of mine insisted I was being too naive to assume that Vernon wouldn't be out having sex with other women, because that's what men do, they need sex and they cheat. When he said that to me, all I could feel was sorry for him because he'll never know what it's like to love and trust someone the way we do.

Q: What keeps you and your bf in an ldr?
A: Our kids. He has 2, I have one. We are both single parents and both decided to continue to put our children first. My daughter, and his oldest are only 2 weeks apart. As they go off to school or move out to become independent adults, Vernon and I will think more about our future together and close this long distance gap.

Q: If a novel is written about your ldr, what would the title be?
A: I'm having trouble thinking of one, but when I do I will edit this post and add it. I asked this of Vernon too to see what he would say and he wasn't very helpful either. (Thanks Honey!) :)

Q:How and when did you first tell your bf "I love you"?
A: Wow, I don't remember. Does that make me a bad girlfriend? I'm sure we had to be conversing for at least a year because long before the time that we met in person (2 years) we were in love with each other. I have also been signing letters and emails "Yours Forever" for as long as I can remember. Honey, if you remember the specific "event" please refresh my memory because I would like to know.

Valentine's day 2010. Those heart shaped boxes are full of candy, chocolate and cookies!

Q: Who is more romantic?
A: He is, just when I think I have him figured out and know what to expect, he surprises the crap outta me!



Q: If you could take a snapshot of the mood of your relationship right NOW, describe what it would be in one word.
A: At the time of this question, it was Tuesday, August 3 @ 3:40pm. SERIOUS; we were chatting about taxes, school, kids and work via IM, as noted in my last post.

Q: What was the last holiday or special occasion that you had to spend apart? How did you share that special day together?
A: It was Heidi's graduation. This was a big day not only for her but for me too. High School graduation is a major step in someones life and we both worked really hard to get here. She's been accepted to several Universities but will be attending Western Michigan University, and on a 4 year tuition scholarship. Without that scholarship, she would not be going to college. I wanted Vernon and the kids here. They needed to be here, but asking 3 people to cross 3,500 miles of ocean is not very practical. Instead, Vernon and I went in together and got Heidi a netbook computer. I took several pictures of graduation, her opening the gift and the graduation party so he wouldn't feel like he missed everything.

 

Q: How many relationships have you been in? Is your ldr longer than any of those relationships?

A: I married my first relationship. We met and were divorced within 3 years. Vernon and I met 5 years later and have been together for nearly 11 years.

Q: What was your first impression when you first met your bf?

A: After about a year  we finally exchanged pictures. I had already fallen in love and I didn't know what he looked like.When I saw his picture for the first time I began to cry. His photo was amazing, so handsome and adorable. I thought there is no way he will ever love me, I'm not pretty, especially not enough for him.

Q: What is your sign compatibility? Use http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/signcompatiblitygrid.html

A: "CLASH" That's funny because we are opposite in so many areas, which is why I think we compliment each other so well.








Q: What do you disagree on?
A: I insist that "pants" are in fact pants, not underwear. I can't bring myself to say "trousers". That is a creepy old man word.

Q: On your first night out to eat together, do you remember what you ordered?
A: He had steak. I may have had chicken, I don't remember. I was so nervous. We were at a bar and grill in downtown Chicago.

Q: If you could travel back in time before you met your bf, what advice would you give yourself?
A: Enroll in a frequent flier plan NOW!

Q: How would you handle it if your bf cheated on you? If it happened long distance, would the distance make it more difficult to regain trust?
A: I don't know what I would do. I've never thought about it because it's something I've never worried about. We both have been hurt in the past.

Q: What is the preferred mode of transportation to visit your bf? How long does it take for you to get there?
A: 4 hours by car to bus station, 2 hours to airport by bus then about 12 hours of flying not including layovers. I go over 24 hours without sleep, but it's well worth it.

Q: Have you ever hid or avoided talking about your ldr to avoid embarrassment or criticism?
A: Yes. People react like it's odd that I'm in a long distance relationship, that we met online and that it's been so long and that it's stupid that I haven't moved there already. I actually had one male friend tell me that I was stupid and naive to think that he wasn't going out and having sex with other women and cheating on me. "Men need sex and that is what they do." I felt sorry for him that he will never know what it's actually like to love and trust someone the way that Vernon and I do.

Q: Do you have nicknames for each other?
A: I call him Honey or Sweetheart. He calls me Sexy Chicken! I love the way he says "Darling" too.

Q: What one thing do you cherish most from your bf?
A: Years ago he sent me a cross necklace. I loved it. Was stolen when we had our break in a year ago, but I'll never forget it.

Q: How many days have you been with your bf?
A: As of 7/27/2010 3pm - 3,964 days.

Q: If you were offered a free life sized cut out of your bf would you accept it?
A: YES! I love looking at him.

Q: What was the last thing you or your bf sent each other in the mail?
A: Postcards. I got them to cheer him up and sent them quite often.

Q: Where is your dream vacation spot?
A: We've always wanted to go somewhere hot and sandy.


Q: How many people do you know who are in an ldr?
A: None

Q: If you could have only 24 hours with your bf, how would you spend your time together?
A: Tee Hee.... next question...

Q: How many visits have you had with your bf? Which one is the most memorable?
A: Six visits totaling 11 weeks in the last 10 years, 10months. Our very first visit in Chicago is the most memorable for me.

Q: Name one thing that makes your bf more special than anyone.
A: He accepts everything about me, doesn't try to change me, and brings the best out of me. I never feel like I have to prove myself or try to make him happy.

Practical Conversations

Vernon and I are in a long distance relationship.  Not only are we in a long distance relationship, we have been in this ldr for nearly 11 years.  Our looks have changed, our personalities have changed, our kids have grown and our conversations have evolved.  We usually chat around my lunch hour or while I'm working so there are a lot of pauses due to me multi-tasking. I often have important things to discuss with Vernon because I talk to him before making any major decisions regarding anything and when I need advice on a challenge I am facing. He is my logical thinker, he knows me better than anyone else, and I trust him completely. His input is important to me as he is very intelligent and straight forward. He is honest and I love that about him. Today we were discussing taxes, credit cards, our next 2 visits and work.

Vernon was talking about his council taxes. I had no clue what that meant so I asked.  He explained something to me that resembled city property taxes. I pay rent, always have, so I've never directly had to pay property taxes, although my rent pays the taxes for the house I live in. I found that to be interesting, it's set up a little differently over there. I'd like to know more about it but today was not the day.

We also talked about credit cards. He and I share different opinions about them, his more conservative than mine, and I didn't like what he said to me, but he was being honest. We don't have to agree on everything. I hate money, I don't have enough to pay my basic bills, I have a truck to fix and I need to see the Dr. but I have more than a lot of people so I shouldn't complain.

I really want Vern to come out with his daughter, she wants to see America and I want to show her a wonderful time here, but we just don't have the money. I suggested he send her alone, but she's still a bit young and has never traveled before. He suggested I visit early 2011. I'd love to do the Christmas trip again, but not without my girl, and we can't afford 2 adults so that would mean she would have to save her money and she wont be working that many hours. So.... I'm not sure yet.  We are also planning a trip in 2012, our friends are getting married in Bristol, UK. I'm planning this trip alone, if my daughter sticks to her plan, she'll be in Australia by then. Vernon said he doesn't want to wait until 2012 to see me, and I don't want to wait either. Right now flights are super cheap, I want to nail something down soon.

We always ask each other about work. We both have challenges that we are faced with every day, him more than me. I love my job, but it can be overwhelming at times. There are days when I can't wait until I talk to him so I can tell him how I've been kickin' butt and days when I need to talk to him because I don't think I can do this anymore... he always tells me how talented and smart I am and gets me out of those ruts. I hope I'm able to do the same for him when he's frustrated with his job.

I love these talks that we have, even though we weren't very lovey dovey, we never forget to tell the other "I love you". Couples need to have these discussions in addition to the mushy ones, I think that's what makes us a serious couple. We aren't in fantasy land and have our feet on the ground, however when we are together those 2 weeks every couple of years our feet don't really touch the ground until it's time to go home. I have to say this about him, he is very disciplined when it comes to money, and if he managed mine I'd probably be in a better situation. When we were wrapping up our conversation he said to me, "I'll let you know when I win the lottery" and I replied, "Me too". That would be sweet wouldn't it?

Good Days and Bad Days

I don't recognize the person in this photo.  I know it's me, but I don't recognize her as me.  Normally I try to be as invisible as I can in front of the camera.  But... when Vern is the one taking the photos, I enjoy having my photo taken.  I smile, I feel beautiful and I have fun.  Also, when I am having photos taken of me just for Vern, I enjoy those too.  Like when he sends me a gift or he's been begging me for some more photos.  I also make a point to wear red, he likes me in red, and he loves my eyes.  My world completely disappears when he's looking directly into my eyes.  Whew!  Anyway, back to the photo... it was taken in England.  To be honest, I don't remember where, Portland Bill is my educated guess... and I'd have to do some math to remember the year.  I do remember being very insistent on finding a small replica of the Portland Bill lighthouse for my mom, and I wasn't going to leave until I found one.  Thank goodness I found one.

Well, the title of this post is good days and bad days.  That is because I have had both lately.  My lovely daughter just graduated from high school.  She's an amazing kid, very creative, beautiful, loving, funny, mature, but really has to work at her grades.  Her graduating was a major milestone that made me cry and shake to the point of not being able to take a decent photo of her during the graduation ceremony.  I really wanted Vern and the kids there.  They are part of our family and this is a celebratory occasion when they should be here.  It's not a practical request in this situation, but I'm human and I want my way and I really wanted them here.  There have been many times when I felt this way about being there... like when Vernon gets very sick or when he injured himself this past winter, and when his kids have those usual teen moments where they or dad need that extra support.  It just isn't practical.  I took lots of photos for Vern and the kids to see, so he doesn't feel like he missed anything.  He moans at me when there aren't any of me, so I made sure others used my camera and took a few pics.  Work has been going well too, I come home with so much to talk about but he's not here.

Today was a bad day.  I became frustrated early in the day and it got worse from there.  I came home and had lunch with my daughter which was nice, and then my afternoon really dragged after that.  On my way home I started to cry.  I don't think I actually had a good reason, it was just one of those days, maybe I have PMS... I don't really keep track but it's possible.  Regardless, I was sad and needed Vernon.  As I was in tears I was thinking that Vern is nuts to love someone as emotional as me.  He knows how I get and he's seen and heard me cry.  I even tell him if I'm crying while we are chatting.  I have to be myself around him.  I like to be myself around him.  He doesn't mind the emotions.  He accepts everything about me.  I did come home to a cheerful girl who was happy to see me and my mood changed quickly.  But then my thoughts moved to the days when she will be off to college and I'll really be alone on days like this.  I wanted to cry again but didn't. Over the winter months Vernon went through a bit of a sad slump that he just couldn't shake.  To help him out of that I found a pack of these awesome postcards on Amazon.com and sent him a couple a week.  He seemed to enjoy them.  I was determined to cheer him up.  He also comes home to a cheerful daughter, and he wont be shipping her off to school for some time so he's good for a while.

I look forward to the days when I can come home and celebrate a successful day with him, or give him the heads up when I'm having a bad day and he greets me with hugs and ice cream when I get home.