Visa Update

Well, after sending out my application I have been nervous and stressed about the entire process.  My brain kept thinking horrible thoughts; "What if I missed something? What if I made a mistake on the deadline? What if I get someone who is having a really bad day, and decides to reject every application that crosses his desk?"  Well, I tortured myself for a week and a half and then I got an email. It said I had mailed my application and documents to the wrong place.

I sent everything to New York; apparently they haven't processed settlement applications since 2012. Well f**k me. I also sent the wrong kind of shipping label as they don't take hand written FedEx waybills so I made TWO BIG FAT GIANT mistakes. I forwarded Vern the email and I called my mom. I had trouble holding it together when I told her. {As I'm typing this I'm sitting in a public laundromat with my eyes filling with tears as I recall that horrible day. Hope no one notices.} Anyway, I think I made my mom cry. I  just needed my mom that day, it wasn't my intent to upset her but my parents really want Vernon and I to be happy and to be together.  I cried for days, actually lost my appetite for three days and felt like my life was over.  I will never get to be with my husband.  We will have to re-do this entire process and will have to come up with ANOTHER $1,513, but with the way the economy is going, and how the value of the dollar is getting worse, we would never be able to come up with that amount of money again.  I also pride myself in being an intelligent person and to make such a dumb mistake I was so embarrassed.  People were constantly asking me "Have you heard anything?" and I would lie and say "no".  Only a couple people new what I had done and I really didn't want anyone else to know.

Vernon, my wonderful husband, remained positive and managed to keep me from going out of my mind or slipping into a deep depression.  I got the application and paperwork back after a couple more weeks and more shipping costs. I had to go through my paperwork again because they went through everything in New York.  I put it all together again for the immigration folks in the UK and added a cover letter explaining the embarrassing error.  I went to the post office and sent it again, incurring more shipping costs to get everything to the UK and to get my originals back from the UK. THEN!... there was a mix up in Green Bay with my package because they were being dumb, and an amazing USPS employee here in Iron Mountain went above and beyond to make sure my package made it to the UK when it was supposed to.  At this point I'm feeling as if there is an evil force trying to keep me from moving to the UK.

Well, this is how the rest of this went:

• Monday, October 13: UK Immigration received my application and documents per tracking ID.
• Tuesday, October 14: I received an automated email saying they received my application.  I then received a second automated email saying I'm missing the Appendix 2. {WILL THIS NEVER END?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!} I worked on the Appendix 2 that night.  It is a 17 page document.
• Wednesday, October 15:  Finished working on the Appendix 2 and planned on emailing it from work tomorrow morning.
• Thursday, October 16, 6:30am: I received an automated email saying "A decision has been made and my passport will be shipped via UPS tracking ID blah blah blah..." 

Then all hell breaks loose. I am sobbing uncontrollably, get Vern on a hangout, I can barely talk I'm crying so hard, as I naturally assume they have denied me.  "I haven't turned in the Appendix 2 yet!" There was no deadline, it hadn't been 2 days yet. Why would they do this to us? I've worked so hard, I'm employed, I'm responsible, I deserve to live with my husband!  Why didn't they wait for the Appendix 2?  Vernon did some research while I'm hyper ventilating and crying and he's remaining unusually positive.  I think he's being crazy as there is no way they'd approved me.  My passport was picked up by UPS before I even emailed the Appendix 2 but I emailed it anyway.

• Monday, October 20: the package arrives via UPS at work. I have to wait until Vern is home from work and I go into my boss' office and start a hangout.  I open the package together with Vern, he looked like he was about to be sick and felt like this was not going to be good at all, I started to cry before I even got it open.  I found my passport and went through it... > > > > >

YUP, I GOT IT! {CRYING AGAIN}

Missing Him Terribly

We got married!  The wedding was small and beautiful; and the reception was a fantastic celebration where he could meet my extended family and friends.  I promise I will post details, photos and video later.  I regretfully got away from blogging and I do miss it very much.  Things have been crazy and my mood hasn't been the best. Today's post will be a short one, but an important one.

One day last week a song came on the radio as I was pulling into the parking lot at work.  I had to sit in the lot for a while because this song made me cry.  It made me think of Vernon and I miss him so much.  Every time this song is on the radio I cry.  I absolutely love that it is by the Goo Goo Dolls, I have always loved their music.

He went back home to the UK just a couple days after the reception. It was a very sad day for the both of us and by far the most difficult goodbye we've had to do. Since then it's been back to the usual, chatting for a short time every day and video hangouts on the weekends. I cry a lot more because it's been 14 years and we are finally married but still apart. There are many factors both obvious and personal as to why we are not together, but one day we hope that will change.

A Rough Week

Vernon has been off of work all week. He's around to chat most of the day, we Skype when I wake up in the morning and we Skype when I get home from work until the wee hours of the morning for him. I love the extra time "together". We've been talking about silly things, we've been talking about serious things, and sometimes we just sit there and look at each other. When it's time to say goodbye I get very sad and stressed. I just want him here. Tuesday morning I had physical therapy. I woke up early and was tearful and sad. I really didn't have a reason for it. I was on the verge of tears throughout my therapy appointment and then began crying toward the end because I couldn't step up with my bad leg. The poor Dr. thought he made me cry but it wasn't that. I spent the day fighting tears or hiding in the bathroom at work when I couldn't hold it back any longer. Wednesday morning I woke up and Vernon and I had a Skype call. He teases me because I have trouble waking up. We had a nice time talking and then we chatted throughout the day. When I got home I was sad and tired and just wanted to go to bed and watch Netflix or something. I then started missing Vern and began to cry. The crying just got worse, it's the kind of crying where my entire head was stuffed, my nose was running and every time I swallowed my ears would pop. I couldn't stop. I missed Vernon so much. This went off and on for a few hours. There was a pain in the middle of my chest and I felt sick so I didn't have any dinner. I cried until I was finally able to fall asleep. Thursday morning was therapy again but I was able to Skype with Vernon after work. My eyes were puffy and burned all day from crying the night before. After we hung up it happened again, but I only cried for about 15 minutes. I wasn't going to eat, but I told Vernon I wouldn't skip dinner tonight so I made myself some hot dogs. He really doesn't like it when I skip meals. Friday morning I got to wake up to Vernon again, and then after work we were on Skype again till Vernon's eyes were glazed over from his lager and lack of sleep. I love the way he looks when he's sleepy. He's so cute. Friday was a tremendous day, lots of good things happened and I was not sad anymore.

I love Vernon. I know he loves me. He makes me feel so special, beautiful, wanted, happy and loved, but I still feel sad at times. I will never regret the decision we made to have a long distance relationship because nothing is more important to us than our children; but I still manage to have the occasional bad day, even after 11 years.

Romantic Proposal and Dream Honeymoon!

My good friend and fellow blogger is a finalist in a contest where she and her fiancée can win a fabulous honeymoon!  All it takes is to CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR SARAH AND CHRIS! and then you hit the "LIKE" button under the video. I have watched this video over and over again and I tear up at the same spot every time! Help these two great people get their honeymoon.

They have been enduring a long distance relationship just like Vernon and I; and I only wish them the very best. Please take the two seconds to hit that like button.

THANKS! <3 <3 <3 <3


UPDATE:  They won and went on that fabulous honeymoon!

You would think I'd be used to this already!

We usually only chat and send emails because of our work schedules and the time zone difference. I got a house phone with an international plan with the intent on calling Vernon every weekend, but that has been difficult with my busy schedule with Heidi. This Labor Day weekend we spoke twice, and got out the web cams to video chat. We both have lots going on and had a lot to talk about, then I just took a good look at Vernon. I could see him from the chest up, he was sitting on his sofa, and he was tired. I just started to cry. He looked so handsome and so comfortable and I could almost smell the laundry detergent in his t-shirt and I just wanted to hug him and I couldn't. That's all I wanted, just one quick hug. I'm not used to seeing him in between visits and it's difficult. I should be used to this, but just when I think I'm ok with the long distance relationship thing, it really really sucks and I cry and cry and cry. It's difficult hearing him tell me that I'm cute and beautiful and sexy, but I love it so much. I don't want it to stop, because when I'm with him I feel that I am all of those things. He looks at me like I'm the only woman in the world, and he get's this sweet smile on his face like I'm amusing him with a joke or a story and I'm not even doing or saying anything.  I don't want that to stop either. It's so difficult saying goodbye and I'm crying right now just thinking about it. Now that Heidi is off to college, I'll have more free Sundays and I can get used to seeing him and talking to him more often. I can't imagine my life without him, even if he is 3,500 miles away.

Good Days and Bad Days

I don't recognize the person in this photo.  I know it's me, but I don't recognize her as me.  Normally I try to be as invisible as I can in front of the camera.  But... when Vern is the one taking the photos, I enjoy having my photo taken.  I smile, I feel beautiful and I have fun.  Also, when I am having photos taken of me just for Vern, I enjoy those too.  Like when he sends me a gift or he's been begging me for some more photos.  I also make a point to wear red, he likes me in red, and he loves my eyes.  My world completely disappears when he's looking directly into my eyes.  Whew!  Anyway, back to the photo... it was taken in England.  To be honest, I don't remember where, Portland Bill is my educated guess... and I'd have to do some math to remember the year.  I do remember being very insistent on finding a small replica of the Portland Bill lighthouse for my mom, and I wasn't going to leave until I found one.  Thank goodness I found one.

Well, the title of this post is good days and bad days.  That is because I have had both lately.  My lovely daughter just graduated from high school.  She's an amazing kid, very creative, beautiful, loving, funny, mature, but really has to work at her grades.  Her graduating was a major milestone that made me cry and shake to the point of not being able to take a decent photo of her during the graduation ceremony.  I really wanted Vern and the kids there.  They are part of our family and this is a celebratory occasion when they should be here.  It's not a practical request in this situation, but I'm human and I want my way and I really wanted them here.  There have been many times when I felt this way about being there... like when Vernon gets very sick or when he injured himself this past winter, and when his kids have those usual teen moments where they or dad need that extra support.  It just isn't practical.  I took lots of photos for Vern and the kids to see, so he doesn't feel like he missed anything.  He moans at me when there aren't any of me, so I made sure others used my camera and took a few pics.  Work has been going well too, I come home with so much to talk about but he's not here.

Today was a bad day.  I became frustrated early in the day and it got worse from there.  I came home and had lunch with my daughter which was nice, and then my afternoon really dragged after that.  On my way home I started to cry.  I don't think I actually had a good reason, it was just one of those days, maybe I have PMS... I don't really keep track but it's possible.  Regardless, I was sad and needed Vernon.  As I was in tears I was thinking that Vern is nuts to love someone as emotional as me.  He knows how I get and he's seen and heard me cry.  I even tell him if I'm crying while we are chatting.  I have to be myself around him.  I like to be myself around him.  He doesn't mind the emotions.  He accepts everything about me.  I did come home to a cheerful girl who was happy to see me and my mood changed quickly.  But then my thoughts moved to the days when she will be off to college and I'll really be alone on days like this.  I wanted to cry again but didn't. Over the winter months Vernon went through a bit of a sad slump that he just couldn't shake.  To help him out of that I found a pack of these awesome postcards on Amazon.com and sent him a couple a week.  He seemed to enjoy them.  I was determined to cheer him up.  He also comes home to a cheerful daughter, and he wont be shipping her off to school for some time so he's good for a while.

I look forward to the days when I can come home and celebrate a successful day with him, or give him the heads up when I'm having a bad day and he greets me with hugs and ice cream when I get home.