"Do you want a slow dance or not"

Fourteen years. We have been together for fourteen years.  Sometimes I just can't believe it has been that long, and yet I can't seem to remember a time when I didn't know Vernon.  It's as if he's been with me my entire life.  Vernon's been working on a project going through our old emails, trying to get them organized. He found a very important one, one I really don't remember typing, yet I remember those feelings like it was yesterday.  I sent him an email after 2 1/2 months of exchanging letters, emails and what I think was one phone call where I paced up and down the living room holding note cards with things to talk about because I didn't want him to think I was a moron. I was shocked to see the date of this email, because like I said, I remember the feelings, it's everything else that's a bit of a blur.  This email defines our relationship now.  This email really expresses our connection to each other at such an early point in our friendship.  I've omitted the babbling and boring bits.

 To:  VERNON PHILLIPS
Date:  8 December 1999, 00:48
I hate this!  I really hate this!  Vernon, aren't we supposed to be JUST
pen pals?  I am having a bad week.  This is going to be unlike any email
you have ever gotten from me.  I am having a bad week.  I am lonely.  I
am very lonely.  It has been a really REALLY long time since I felt
loved, secure and happy.  Then you had to say you wanted to dance with
me, "slow".  My stomach took a jump when I read that.  No one ever said
that to me before.  Not even my husband.  I don't want to fall for you
but you are not making it easy for me.   You are too damn nice and
really funny and easy to talk to.  I don't even know what you look like
and I don't care.  I was really sad this past weekend when you didn't
call.  Really sad.  I'm crying now.  I am also getting the impression
that you are falling for me.  I hope not.  It would be impossible, just
impossible.  We are too far apart and we both have kids that really
can't leave the country.  Sometimes I find myself daydreaming and it's
of me and you and i am in your arms and we are dancing so close and so
slow... Also, if you are falling for me, guys are different than
girls, you may not like the way I look.  I'm not skinny.

 ....You are so wonderful to me Vern, I really
like you.  I guess I just have to get out and meet some friends up here
in Michigan.  Then maybe I wouldn't feel so lonely.  I love your emails,
you are so sweet.   

....I think you are very special and I
think of you all the time... all the time.  I just felt like spilling my
guts to you tonight.  I miss you and hope you write soon.
Thinking of you...
Kimberly xxoo

Now this is Vernon's response to my gut spilling email.

To: Kimberly Jimenez
Date: 9 December 1999, 20:00
Our relationship, being what it is, prevents either of us from falling
too far. I do think about you a lot, and it's clear from reading your
letter that your thoughts have echoed mine, with regards to the
impossibility of our relationship ever going beyond a certain point.
We both have our own lives, our own families, children etc. I would
love to think that we could meet one day in the not so distant future,
but I don't want you to think that I am messing with your mind. I'm
sorry that you are lonely, I know that feeling all too well. 

 ....As usual I am unable to spend the right amount
of time on this letter, and for that I apologise. You deserve a better
effort from me, but before I write again I have to ask, would you
rather I was JUST a pen pal. Your friendship is important to me, and I
don't want it to end, but I don't want to become a problem for you, so
I suppose it's a question of "Do you want a slow dance or not" :-)
Until the next time,
-Vern.

Well, you all know the answer to that question.

MY ELEVEN YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH TECHNOLOGY - UH - I MEAN VERNON (written as a guest post for another blog May 2, 2011)

Relationships change and evolve over time. Technology also changes and evolves. Sometimes they go hand in hand. Skype is eight years old. Myspace is eight years old. Facebook is seven years old. Twitter is five years old and iGoogle was launched five years ago as well. Eleven years ago, I met the man of my dreams, I had WebTV and I had no idea that we would be where we are today; in our relationship or in technology. If you are under twenty years old you probably have no idea what WebTV is. How would a couple maintain a long distance relationship without the technology listed above? Today’s kids probably don’t think about it and assume it’s been around since the dawn of time. We “old folks” know better, although I feel I’m speaking to a younger audience so I’ll tell you now…technology has come such a long way in the last eleven years.

Vernon in Michigan 2001. I’m such a Yooper!

Vernon and I met online. I was looking for young single parent support and he had made a post on a pen-pal site. I’m not sure how I found him because I was not familiar with this odd thing called “the internet” but he had everything I was looking for. He was a single parent, was my age, had a child same age as mine in addition to a younger child, and just wanted someone to write to, converse with, and interact with. Only negative was that he was a guy…. well, if he turned into a ‘perv’ I’d just stop writing him. We emailed each other for a while and discussed parenting, life, being single, working, and our pen-pal relationship turned into friendship which turned into something I don’t have a word for. Not a word that’s good enough anyway. We also wrote letters, you know, paper and pens and envelopes and stamps. Those kinds of letters. After several months, maybe close to a year, we finally exchanged pictures. Nope, no facebook yet, no picasa, we MAILED them to each other. I do believe that Vernon had a scanner and scanned a photo and emailed it to me. It took forever to download if I’m thinking of the right picture. We had already fallen for each other before exchanging photos. We got to know each other from the inside out. The photos were just a bonus.

As we got more familiar with the internet we became familiar with chat rooms. I don’t remember if it was yahoo or what, but we would have to log into the same chat room at the same time. I would create a private one so we didn’t have to be bothered by all the weirdo perverts out there looking for “cyber sex”.  I remember the first time some dude sent me a photo of his ‘junk’, that was pretty scary. It’s always a good idea not to talk to strangers, in person or on the internet. I then discovered an instant messenger program called ICQ. That was much better than chatrooms. So we used that and Yahoo IM.

We wanted to hear each other’s voice. I found a vending machine at the little shopping strip in my town and it sold international phone cards. I could buy one for $20 and we could talk for over 4 hours as long as we didn’t make multiple calls. Every time a call was made it would deduct some sort of fee that would lessen our minutes, so to get the most of our money we used it up in one shot. We did that about once a month. Sometimes I would fall asleep on the phone, or so he says.

There were no laptops, no wireless internet, and dial up internet was very expensive and the computers were very large and cumbersome. For a while I didn’t have a computer at all at home, just the webtv which had limited use. So when we did instant messenger it was while I was at work. Shhhhh.

Now with cloud computing (which is 100% of what my job consists of), digital photographs, Facebook, Picasa, iGoogle, Yahoo IM, Skype, webcams, I can go on, but you get the picture; our relationship has grown with the help of these tools. We are constantly aware of the other’s schedule, mood, and even when traveling we can keep in touch. We Skype once a week, only because of the 6 hour time difference and we both work full time jobs. Otherwise, we’d probably Skype every day. I have an awesome phone plan through Vonage where I can call him in the UK as often as I like and only pay one flat rate. I take advantage of that when he has days off of work and I call him when I get up at 6am. It’s a great way to start my day. I have uploaded web cam photos of myself and sent them to him a few minutes later. I record videos on my Flip Camera and he can watch them whenever he wants. He doesn’t feel like he’s missing out on major events and I can look at his photo albums any time I want. It makes the long distance relationship so much easier. Waiting several weeks for a letter is terrible. Don’t get me wrong, even with this technology, long distance relationships take a lot of work, but it just seems easier now.

Me in England 2011. We still look HOT!

Our bond was really strong from the beginning. I think that without this technology we’d still be together but the times in between visits and letters would be even more difficult and stressful. I don’t wish an LDR on anyone, but if you happen to be in one, take advantage of the technology out there, appreciate the time you have online, and make the best of it. Have fun and be creative.  I still manage to send Vernon postcards and the occasional letter or card. I guess I’m a bit old fashioned that way.

Our Summer Vacation 2012: S'mores, Sunken Ships and Monkeys Riding Dogs.

We are nearing the end of our vacation together and I wanted us to spend some time with my parents.  They were thrilled with the news of our engagement.  They were the last ones to tell before we made the news public. 

I had a big surprise planned for both Vern and Yaz, and couldn't wait to see the looks on their faces.  First, we spent the day and a fun evening at the lake. We had a campfire and made s'mores.  This was their first time having s'mores.  I think Vern really liked them... he had two!  While we were there the girls went four wheeling.  It's something Heidi likes to do when we have visitors.  Vernon has fallen in love with the U.P. and its scenery.  He also really came to love the hummingbirds.  He was insistent that there were no hummingbirds in the UK. I thought that was crazy, of course there are hummingbirds in the UK, with all those flowers... and after some research, we found there were no hummingbirds in the UK.  We even came across a story about a guy who tried smuggling a bunch of them wrapped up in his pants... and got caught in customs.  We thought that was amusing... poor little birds. I nearly convinced Vernon to get his mother a hummingbird feeder as a gift. What a sad gift that would have been. LOL  

Dad and Vernon did some bonding.... dad was teaching Vernon how to grill.  I enjoyed watching them.  Vern looked like he was having a great time grilling.

Ok, now for the surprise.  I took them to the rodeo! The rodeo comes to Iron River every year.  It doesn't get more American than that does it?  Everyone enjoyed themselves, from the barrel racing to the bull riding.  The girls were a bit creeped out by the clown running through the stands, but that's pretty normal right?  

At the rodeo, Yasmine asked me a very interesting question.  She asked me why we sing the national anthem so often and also noticed that so many people have the American Flag hanging outside of their homes.  Vern and Yaz were only here for two weeks, and in those two weeks, they had heard our national anthem three times.  At the car races, the water ski show and then at the rodeo.  It has always been normal for me so I never really thought about it. I just told her that we sing the national anthem before all sporting events and that Americans are very proud and patriotic. 

The coolest part of the trip for me was the Shipwreck Tour in Munising.  It was fascinating, interesting and eerie all at the same time.  The boat we were on had glass windows on the bottom and you could see the shipwrecks so clearly.  If you are ever in this area, I highly recommend it.  The views are amazing as well.

Kid Rock made a video up in this area.  When I hear this song I think of Vernon and the fun we all had up here as a family.

   

I miss you Vernon.

Our Summer Vacation 2012: Mining, Skiing, Golfing & Racing

Yes, that is a mannequin dressed in uniform. LOL

Vernon and I saw the largest steam driven pumping engine in the country; the Cornish Pump. This photo really doesn't do it justice.  You feel like a miniature person like in Honey I Shrunk the Kids when  you see the giant pistons.  Yes, you may be thinking, oooh, a giant pump, how... um... boring!  Well, Vernon enjoys mechanical stuff and history and I am interested in the history of Upper Michigan. We stopped at the Cornish Pump museum after having lunch and picking out my ring so it was a day with just the two of us.  The girls were perfectly happy sitting at home on Facebook... and when we came home later that day, they were right where we left them that morning.  In addition to all the cool mining stuff, the museum has another warehouse showing planes, gliders, old cars, military uniforms and other cool military stuff.  Apparently the Ford plant here in Kingsford built the gliders they used in WWII.  We watched a really interesting video of people actually working in the Ford plant here... which is now empty and deserted.  These gliders did not have engines in them, and they carried personnel, vehicles and equipment.  You have to see one to actually appreciate this concept.  The way they were picked up by other planes was really cool too... one plane would pick up 2 or 3 at a time.. you have to see it to believe it.  I found a video below, not the one we saw at the museum but one that shows how cool these gliders can be.

After our history lesson, we picked up my ring, and Yasmine and we went to the Ski-Ters show.  I knew they would enjoy the water skiing. I make sure to go to at least one show every summer.  I should go to more.. they are FREE! The radio station was there giving away door prizes.. I had entered Vernon's name without him knowing and his name was called! He was like, HUH? It was funny! He won a cd of some old country western singer, and it was autographed.  He thought it would be a perfect gift to bring home to his parents. I thought that was a great idea as well.



There is this place just across the Michigan border in Spread Eagle. (Yes, that is the name of the unincorporated community) and there is a strip club in Spread Eagle! Pretty genius... anyway... I have always passed this place called the Bears Den and wondered if it was any good.  Well after living up here for nearly 12 years I finally tried it out.  This place is AWESOME! It's clean, well kept, and the people are nice.  We spent an afternoon playing mini-golf  and Vern kicked all our butts, but I came in second. Woo Hoo!

Next were the go-karts.  Vernon was a speed demon and passing up the girls.  Yasmine was holding her own and zipping around the track, and then there was Heidi... I laughed so hard every time she came around, so very cautious.  Vern and Yaz would try to get around her because they lapped her a few times and Heidi would have this "Oh Shit!" look on her face. It was great.  She drove right in the middle which made it difficult for anyone to get around her. Vernon's face was very serious and he was so focused.  I loved watching him drive, I'm glad I chose to sit on the sidelines to take pictures.

I tried so hard to find a car show for Vern. He loves American cars, especially old American cars.  I looked for weeks on websites, facebook, for anything anywhere in the U.P. or north eastern Wisconsin, I couldn't find anything.  Then I remembered that there was a racetrack in Norway, MI so I looked in to that.  We went to the races one night, and what we thought was only going to be a couple of hours was hours and hours and hours... I never knew these races took so long. UGH!  The girls got sick of it really quick and ended up in the truck, Vern and I got tired after a while and left before it was over, but we had fun while we were there.

This post was a bit longer than I had planned, but I'm hoping you found it interesting or entertaining.  I again tried to fit things into our schedule that were "American", or "Upper Michigan".  I think I managed to succeed at that.

Do you have tourist traps, attractions or museums where you live? Do you ever go to them? I have been driving by the Cornish Pump/WWII Glider museum for 6 years without stopping in.  Don't wait for company or out of town visitors to go... you may learn something about where you live and actually have some fun.

Happy Father's Day!

I would like to say Happy Father's Day to three of the most important fathers in my life.

My English dad: "He is a very tall man". That was my first thought when I met him several years ago.

He is loved and highly respected by all in his family. He is often surrounded by his grandkids and as of April 2011 he is now a great grandad. He likes to play and have fun and I have never witnessed him grumpy or impatient.  He is a perfect example to his grandsons on how to have a good work ethic, how to treat the women in your life and simply how to be a good man. He is one of those dads who will come to your rescue if you are having car trouble or need a hand with moving and home repairs. He doesn't expect anything in return. When I am there I don't feel like a foreign visitor. I feel like part of the family, I feel loved and accepted and missed when I am gone. He is a wonderful man and I am thankful that he is a part of my life. I can see why Vernon is the man he is today.

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My Dad: He is my Superman

I don't even know where to begin. He's the guy who taught me how to play baseball and basketball and ride a bike. Most importantly he taught me that the only way to get the rebound was to "sacrifice my body!" He rescued me from my runaway tricycle as it was taking me down the hill way too fast. He picked me up after I went face first into a tree on a sledding hill. He took me trick-or-treating on the John Deere Tractor. He took me to lots of Brewer games, a Bucks game and I even got to see the Harlem Globetrotters. He taught me how to fish and how to do my taxes. He taught me how to balance a checkbook and look for a job. He coached me on interviews and helped me do my homework. He also made sure I had change when I went out so I could call home if I needed a safe ride, and I always knew I'd be much better off by calling him no matter what situation I was in.  He even didn't accuse me of lying when I wrecked the car on the way to my ACT's and I told him it was a hit and run while parked. He knew better... but never called me on it.  I have often felt like I have disappointed him because I did not follow the path he laid out for me. But then we have moments where I do feel that he is proud of me, and the woman and mother I have become. If it wasn't for the Christian upbringing and the work ethic, I don't think I would be very happy with who I have become or where I am in life.

My dad is also a wonderful grandpa. He has had to pick up a lot of slack left by Heidi's absent inattentive father. He has made sure Heidi had experiences and opportunities that I normally wouldn't have been able to give her.  Heidi and grandpa are best buddies, and that means more to me than anything he's ever done for me.
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My Sweetheart, Vernon, what a wonderful loving dad he is.

His number one priority has always been his kids. Making sure he made time for them and gave them the attention that they needed. If we were chatting, he would tell me one was needing attention and we would say goodbye. If I didn't see him online at all he was spending time with them. I love that about him.  We have had this long distance relationship because of the kids. All three of them. Although I have not been in England, I have watched his two kids grow up through pictures. He has told me of the awards and accomplishments of school, activities and sports. I hear about the friendships, girlfriends, illnesses, sad times and difficult times. I have cried with him and rejoiced with him and even given him advice on the tough stuff.  Most recently, I was able to share his joy of the birth of his granddaughter. He's going to be a super 'granddad'. Bottom line, he's a great dad, and grandpa who is dedicated, loving and loyal to the ones that depend on him so much.

He has also been a wonderful loving father figure to Heidi. As you know her dad is absent emotionally and financially and Vernon has been there to support her and encourage her and make her feel important and loved.

Vernon has dedicated his life to his kids and has made an impact on mine, showing them by example how to have a good work ethic, how to treat others and how to conduct yourself with class. He also made it very clear to them that they are loved. It's these traits that make him very attractive to me, well, it's part of the reason he's very attractive to me.

Monthly Milestones - May

May has been a very difficult month for me; full of pain, drugs and feeling useless and bothersome. My being forced to sit for hours on end cooped up in the house has caused me to dive deeper in this thing they call blogging. It all started over a year ago with my friend Ali’s blog. If you check it out, you will see that she is a very creative and talented photographer who has three of the cutest kids you’ve ever seen. I would visit it every so often and thought this was a clever way to keep loved ones up to date on how everyone was doing. Then my amazing friend Kim introduced me to her blog. It’s just simply about happy thoughts, crafting and friendship. It was those two that gave me the inspiration to 1. Start writing again and 2. Create a blog! So, I went out and picked up Blogging For Dummies and began to think.

My blog was going to be a rant. Simply about stuff that pisses me off. I played with a few topics and then came to the conclusion that this world is already full of negativity. I should follow in the footsteps of Ali and Kim and write of positive happy things. Then it hit me… VERNON! It can be a simple blog about us, how we manage a long distance relationship (LDR) and advice for those in an LDR. I also post about our two cultures, travel, entertainment, pop culture and anything I can think of pertaining to our relationship. It started out kind of slow, I really didn’t know what I was doing. Now, for the month of May I have reached 18 followers and just this month I have written 6 posts. I’ve been trying to think of ways to make my blog better and visiting several new blogs a week, introducing myself and making comments. I’ve managed to pick up a few followers this month and it’s so exciting!

I have a basic goal for June. I hope to have at least two more followers and I will continue to follow new blogs and introduce myself and leave lots of comments. I also thought of a really cool idea to improve my blog that I know Vernon will love, but I’m not going to spoil the surprise right now. You all will see in good time.

What were you doing one year ago?

Vernon and I chat several times a week.  I was going through our chats from 2010 and thought it would be interesting to see what we were talking about a year ago today. I wonder if all our chats are like this because boy do I look like I have some form of A.D.D. because I jump around from topic to topic.

One year ago today:

• I synced my Outlook calendar with Salesforce.com. Vernon's response, "You know how to have fun."
• I told Vern about the awards ceremony at Heidi's school, how she was going to get presented with her scholarship to WMU and that my Aunt and Uncle would be there too. (Turned out that they don't present the big awards on award night, they save those for graduation so we sat through that entire thing for nothing.)
• I was very angry. Didn't know why. I couldn't focus. Had a bad case of road rage on the way to taking Heidi to school. Vernon said, "It's good to be angry every so often." 
• A certain co-worker was annoying the crap out of me quite frequently and did something specific that day that really annoyed me. This year I don't have to deal with that person anymore. WOO HOOO!
• I was worried about seeing the Ex next week. I'm thinking that was for graduation. I'm actually shocked he showed up. Was never good at following through with commitments to Heidi.
• Vernon had 46 parcels (packages) for one house. He didn't mention it to his manager because he would have taken them off of him and given him 45 more packages to different houses. That is what my dad would call working smart, not hard. Then I went on to talk about my FedEx days. Oh such good times... (not really)
• Vernon's work got a new computer system and it broke down... is an expensive new system and it breaks down. Frustrating.
• I took my lunch break at home and thought I'd surprise Vernon with a phone call. Of course no one answered. Vernon's reply, "although as I look across to the phone, I see someone has called. Sorry Darling." (I love when he calls me Darling).
• I'm training a new girl, they hired someone yesterday to help me out. She's very tall, young, eager to learn and very nice. 
• Heidi just called, she and her friend are going to study at the park. She's got an Economics test and her friend has a Government test. (Wow, seems like yesterday she was in high school)
• It was a beautiful sunny warm day but I was freezing my boobies off? Vernon's response, "Be careful where they fall!" Apparently it was warmer in the U.P. than in Somerset that day.
• I had an odd dream last night... A Watertown firefighter, my friend NM, Heidi and I were in some unknown living room watching TV. I was only wearing a towel. NM and the firefighter were my ride. I wanted to go home to get dressed but no one would take me.
• I was looking at Vernon's photos in Facebook. He had a picture of the place where we had our dinners during our trip to Copper Harbor. 
• We say goodbye the same way nearly every time. Vernon: "bye sexy"; Me: "bye".

My first blog post

I'm not sure where to start. I wish I started this 10 years ago, but my access to the internet and computers has been a bit dodgy so what I think this will be are random thoughts and happenings pertaining to my relationship now, and random flashbacks and memories.

I feel very lucky to have Vernon in my life. He is my best friend. I am amazed that we found each other. One day in September of 1999 I decided to look for a support group for young single parents. I was a 28 yr old mother of a 7yr old. I didn't know what I was doing, felt lonely, had no friends and I had nothing in common with the other mothers who were relatively older than me. Being naive as well as very new to the internet I learned quickly that it was full of perverts, especially the chat rooms. I found single parent postings and discussion boards and read a few by some single moms, but they were all looking for men. I looked at the very few postings for single dads and yes... they were all looking for women. I don't want a date, I just want to talk to someone who knows and understands what I'm going through. I expanded my search to a single parenting site based in the UK. Same thing... the single moms were all hot to trot. I came across this interesting post by a single dad. He has a son my daughter's age and an even younger little girl. He was my age, professional, and didn't mention wanting to find a woman. I thought about emailing him, then figured if he turned into a perv I would just stop emailing. Well, he responded and we've been emailing ever since.

Our communication is mostly chat and email. We do write letters, send cards and gifts and several years ago we had monthly phone calls. The calls stopped because of money and because of his hearing condition which has gotten worse over the years. We have just recently resumed the phone calls because he's got hearing aids and a speaker phone now, and I finally have internet at home and subscribe to Vonage World which is GREAT! I try to call him every week, and when he has days off from work I can call him when I get up in the morning. The time difference is usually 6 hours, except for 2 weeks in the spring when it is only 5. I like that. Visits started in Spring of 2002. We tried for every year but as the kids got older and flights got more expensive, it just got too difficult. Vern has made it out here 3 times and I have made it there 3 times. So, over the last 10 years, we have actually been together, on the same continent, a total of 11 weeks. That's a little over 1 week per year. Wow! And I feel we communicate better than most married couples.

I plan on calling him tomorrow. I'll have to tell him about this blog.