Visa Update

Well, after sending out my application I have been nervous and stressed about the entire process.  My brain kept thinking horrible thoughts; "What if I missed something? What if I made a mistake on the deadline? What if I get someone who is having a really bad day, and decides to reject every application that crosses his desk?"  Well, I tortured myself for a week and a half and then I got an email. It said I had mailed my application and documents to the wrong place.

I sent everything to New York; apparently they haven't processed settlement applications since 2012. Well f**k me. I also sent the wrong kind of shipping label as they don't take hand written FedEx waybills so I made TWO BIG FAT GIANT mistakes. I forwarded Vern the email and I called my mom. I had trouble holding it together when I told her. {As I'm typing this I'm sitting in a public laundromat with my eyes filling with tears as I recall that horrible day. Hope no one notices.} Anyway, I think I made my mom cry. I  just needed my mom that day, it wasn't my intent to upset her but my parents really want Vernon and I to be happy and to be together.  I cried for days, actually lost my appetite for three days and felt like my life was over.  I will never get to be with my husband.  We will have to re-do this entire process and will have to come up with ANOTHER $1,513, but with the way the economy is going, and how the value of the dollar is getting worse, we would never be able to come up with that amount of money again.  I also pride myself in being an intelligent person and to make such a dumb mistake I was so embarrassed.  People were constantly asking me "Have you heard anything?" and I would lie and say "no".  Only a couple people new what I had done and I really didn't want anyone else to know.

Vernon, my wonderful husband, remained positive and managed to keep me from going out of my mind or slipping into a deep depression.  I got the application and paperwork back after a couple more weeks and more shipping costs. I had to go through my paperwork again because they went through everything in New York.  I put it all together again for the immigration folks in the UK and added a cover letter explaining the embarrassing error.  I went to the post office and sent it again, incurring more shipping costs to get everything to the UK and to get my originals back from the UK. THEN!... there was a mix up in Green Bay with my package because they were being dumb, and an amazing USPS employee here in Iron Mountain went above and beyond to make sure my package made it to the UK when it was supposed to.  At this point I'm feeling as if there is an evil force trying to keep me from moving to the UK.

Well, this is how the rest of this went:

• Monday, October 13: UK Immigration received my application and documents per tracking ID.
• Tuesday, October 14: I received an automated email saying they received my application.  I then received a second automated email saying I'm missing the Appendix 2. {WILL THIS NEVER END?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!} I worked on the Appendix 2 that night.  It is a 17 page document.
• Wednesday, October 15:  Finished working on the Appendix 2 and planned on emailing it from work tomorrow morning.
• Thursday, October 16, 6:30am: I received an automated email saying "A decision has been made and my passport will be shipped via UPS tracking ID blah blah blah..." 

Then all hell breaks loose. I am sobbing uncontrollably, get Vern on a hangout, I can barely talk I'm crying so hard, as I naturally assume they have denied me.  "I haven't turned in the Appendix 2 yet!" There was no deadline, it hadn't been 2 days yet. Why would they do this to us? I've worked so hard, I'm employed, I'm responsible, I deserve to live with my husband!  Why didn't they wait for the Appendix 2?  Vernon did some research while I'm hyper ventilating and crying and he's remaining unusually positive.  I think he's being crazy as there is no way they'd approved me.  My passport was picked up by UPS before I even emailed the Appendix 2 but I emailed it anyway.

• Monday, October 20: the package arrives via UPS at work. I have to wait until Vern is home from work and I go into my boss' office and start a hangout.  I open the package together with Vern, he looked like he was about to be sick and felt like this was not going to be good at all, I started to cry before I even got it open.  I found my passport and went through it... > > > > >

YUP, I GOT IT! {CRYING AGAIN}

Working in the UK

As I've mentioned I am moving to England. When I told my boss he informed me that I would be able to continue working from the UK.  At first this sounded simple, just take my computer overseas and just keep doing what I'm doing.  Well, there is a lot more to think about. Should I stay on as an employee? Should I work as an independent contractor? Do I create a business? I'm not even sure.  I don't know whether to create a US LLC or a UK LLC; or if I need to create anything at all. If I create a UK LLC will that create problems for the company I work for? If I create a US LLC will I be paying double taxes? What are the pros and cons of remaining an employee? So many questions.

 I have been reaching out to various resources for help and not getting much of a response, however there is a group on Linkedin that I reached out to and they have sent me an abundance of information that I checked out.  Have some things to research yet as it was all very thorough and kind of complicated.  I have family that is willing to help me out with this stuff too but I still need to get the UK side figured out. It's difficult finding people on the UK side when I am six time zones away.  So far Linkedin has been my best resource. Vernon has reached out to a type of UK Citizen information site. Not exactly sure how they will be able to help him but it's a step into finding the right information we need.  Our goal is to make this as painless as possible for us and my employer.

My biggest fear about moving to England was not having a job.  I've always had a job, since I was a kid.  My father always talked to us kids about working hard and having a strong work ethic.  We all have this.  My mom made many sacrifices and always put us first.  My dad put in long hours and made sure we always had what we needed.  I can't imagine not having a job.  I don't understand how people who deliberately live off the government have any self worth or pride.  I've always wanted my daughter to be proud of me and I don't want her thinking that it's ok to take advantage of the government benefits.  It's ok to get help when needed, but don't ever EXPECT a handout when all you want to do is nothing.  I'll beat her ass before I let that happen.  So far she's made me a very proud mom.

When I finally get to England, it will be nice to combine our households and have that extra bit of cash needed for getting things for our home and yard, going on little weekend getaways and of course, feeding my pizza and movie habit.  I really can't wait to see how frugal I can be with grocery shopping.  I want to get into saving money and finding those sales.  I also believe in shopping local, not a big fan of the WalMarts of the world so anxious to take advantage of the local farmers' markets and shops.

Wish us luck with this entire process. Lots to do and lots to think about.  I am very grateful for being able to keep my job and excited that I will be able to work from home and have dinner with my husband every night.  I'm always looking for advice and resources regarding this employment situation so leave a comment if you have anything for us.

I'm Moving to England!

Never again do I have to endure the extreme pain that this view causes me.  I am moving to England.  This has been something that we have  been talking about for a while and the wheels are finally set in motion.  I am amazed at how difficult and expensive this process is.

 The UK Border Agency has changed their website a few times since we started researching the Visa process and I'm really liking the brand new set up.  Much easier to navigate.  I'm not too fond of the income threshold requirement which was set in place in 2013. I was fearful that we would not meet that, but thankfully we do.  Well, I shouldn't say "we" because they don't care that I make well above the income threshold, they don't care that I am a self sufficient English speaking tax paying American, and they don't care that I have a job and an impressive résumé showing a variety of skills and experience.  They only care about Vernon's income.  We are lucky that he met the threshold so we at least know we wont be denied because of that.  The main areas they will be looking at are:  Finances, Proof of Relationship, Legal Marriage, and me not having a questionable/criminal background or a scary communicable disease.  This process is getting less intimidating the further we go because it's just paperwork isn't it? We don't have to make anything up, we don't have anything to hide, we just have to do what we love doing... telling people about our relationship.

I am a 43 year old mom and I have accumulated a lot of stuff over the years.  I have moved in with my parents and have thrown out, given away or sold most of my belongings, furniture, and household items. That was a very difficult thing for me to do.  I plan on hiring an international mover because I will be bringing along a few boxes and some select pieces of furniture that I am very attached to.  That process will be expensive also.

The MOST difficult part of this will be moving away from my daughter.  She is my world.  We have discussed it and she is not thrilled that I'm moving but she wants me to be happy and she loves Vernon like a dad.  She is attending school at Western Michigan University and her major is English, secondary education. In less than 2 years she will be a teacher somewhere on either coast of the US.  Maybe we can convince her to find a job in the UK? Ha ha, let's get me over there first.

So, not only is this the most stressful, difficult and expensive thing I have ever done in my life, I get offered a little challenge.  I was informed last week that Heidi and I will be homeless at the end of the month.  I cried for days.  Didn't eat much or sleep at all.  I hated everyone except Vernon and Heidi.  I even hated myself because I have finally failed to keep a roof over my kid's head.  In the past we've lived without enough food, months without hot water, managed to live years without a phone, TV, and internet as those items are luxury items, and have gone several days without heat in the brutal UP winters because nobody gives a shit if you are a single mother who can't afford to pay the heat bill, but she always had a roof over her head.  I had nightmares of us living in my car in the parking lot at work. What if people found out? Where would I shower? Nobody wants people in their house, they have stuff to do, family plans, no room, I don't blame them.  Asking the people that I asked was the most humiliating thing I've ever had to do, and they would have helped if they could, but it's not like I'm asking to borrow their lawn mower for the afternoon.  Also, during all of this, my dear husband landed himself in the hospital.  My life was falling apart and getting to the UK seemed impossible now and Vernon is so sick he's in the hospital.  I was afraid to tell him what was going on with me and I ended up doing the selfish thing and dumped my problems onto him.  The thing is, he's the only one I depend on, the only person I can really talk to. He should be, he's my husband. But I should have been a better wife and waited until he was better.  Now he's going to read this and scold me because he wants me to tell him everything that is going on with me, good and bad, because that is the amazing man that he is.  I just know it makes him feel helpless when he can't help me with such problems, just like I feel helpless with him being in the hospital without his wife by his side comforting him.  I will add that mum and dad have been absolutely AMAZING during this time and have taken a lot of the worry and guilt off of me for not being there. Well, Vernon seems to be better and should be getting out tomorrow and I have found a place to live.  A friend has a spare room for me and Heidi and she has already made us feel welcome and wanted; and we haven't even moved in yet.  I don't know if I will ever be able to thank her enough for this.

Another challenge that I faced this week was my boss.  I have been fearing this conversation for months.  How do I tell my boss, who has expanded my skill set, taught me new things, challenged me, and promoted me that I am moving to England?  Well, I did just that and his reaction was that he was happy for me, expecting this conversation sooner or later, and was ready with his answer.  He said I couldn't get away that easy and told me that I would be allowed to work remotely from England after I move.  How amazing is that? I'm going to get to keep my job. I love my job. Thank goodness it's in Salesforce.com and IT. Not everyone can do what I have the privilege of doing which is work from home.  That conversation was yesterday, and I think it finally kicked in today because I really haven't been able to enjoy my good news as I have been focused on Vernon and his health.  This weekend we will celebrate and I will give him all the awesome juicy details during our Google Hangout.

Well this is already ridiculously long but I have so much to say. I will keep you posted and try to document this process.  I've been getting help from a fellow blogger/friend who did the same move and has been very supportive, informative and helpful.  One day I hope to do the same for another soon to be expat.

It's 10pm and I Should Be in Bed

I'm planning a wedding.  I'm going on no sleep because nothing is booked yet.  I'm up til 2am looking for cake ideas, music, centerpiece ideas, dresses, you name it.  Vernon doesn't want to wait until October so we agreed to pay the extra cost in airfare and do it in July.  I'm really excited about becoming his wife, but right now all I can do is cry.  He's not here.  He's been so supportive but he's not here.  I can't IM him now because he's sleeping and works in a few hours.  The reason I'm crying is because I just realized that I can't have the one thing that I have always wanted at my wedding, the thing that I have been building everything else around and that is daffodils.  I just assumed that they were grown in warm places and in green houses and they were available anytime.  I went to a florist and she tried to talk me out of them until I told her how important they were to me.  Every time I go to England in the spring, I leave here ass deep in snow and arrive in England to daffodils everywhere.  If the florist can get them she said they may be super expensive.  We can't do super expensive on anything.  I know this is a stupid thing to be upset about but Vern and I have waited 13 years for this... will be closer to 14 when the date finally gets here.  You would think I'd be able to have the flower that I want.  I thought I'd look for wholesale flowers, that came up empty too.  I want to plan something that reflects us and our personalities and daffodils are it.  Vernon is so tired when he gets home from work and I bombard him with links and questions and prices and  pictures and he doesn't complain and gives me the feedback that I need.  He feels bad he can't be here to help and I'm trying to not be obsessive but I want it to be special for him.

I've also discovered something else.  We can't be together when we buy our wedding rings.  It's like going out to buy a pair of shoes.  I'll go out and pick it out and try it on, and Vern will do the same and then we purchase them.  We are supposed to do that together and we can't.  My ring will have to be put together and Vern will need to try his on for perfect fit.  Next time I see him will be for the wedding.  This entire process has been fun but stressful and emotional.  The LDR veterans who have done this before me... I have no idea how you did it without falling apart.  I think maybe I'm just tired tonight.

It's Thanksgiving this week.  I can't be with my daughter and I can't be with Vernon.  That's got me down as well.  This is one bummer of a post and I apologize but I needed to get this out so I can go to sleep.  I'm so tired.  Thank you for listening and I promise I'll make the next post more upbeat and wedding like.

Party Like it's 1999.

This week will be 12 years. In the beginning I never thought our distant relationship would evolve into something so amazing and wonderful. Next to my daughter of course, Vernon is the best thing to happen to me. I can't imagine life without him, nor do I want to remember life before him. He is my soul mate, my partner, everything I didn't know I wanted in a man until I met him. To get more of our beginning you can check out My First Blog Post or the "About Us" tab at the top.

Other couples know exactly when their relationship started. They also know who said "I love you" first, and when. Some can even tell you the cute little story behind it. I don't really know how it happened with us?  It just happened. We started as strangers in two different countries who just wanted someone to talk to and now, 12 years later, we can't imagine life without the other. I do not regret one day, one hour, one minute or one second with him.

It was mid to late September of 1999 that I decided to write to him. And he promptly wrote back. Everything was so different back then. His youngest was 3 and both of the older kids were 7. It feels like a lifetime ago when Heidi was that young. Here is a bit of historical information from the year 1999.

*This list is by no means exactly accurate or verified. I simply Googled various websites to find this general information for entertainment purposes.



Economy
Gas: $1.25/gal   Petrol: 61p/ltr
Milk: $2.75/gal
First class US stamp: 33 cents
UK minimum wage: 3.60 pounds/hr
The Euro is introduced
WalMart buys the UK chain ASDA



Entertainment
Top movies: Matrix, Star Wars episode 1 - The Phantom Menace, American Beauty, American Pie, 6th Sense, Big Daddy, Office Space, 10 Things I Hate About You, Boondock Saints, Cruel Intentions, Notting Hill and the Blair Witch Project.
I feel 1999 was an awesome movie year. This is only a handful of them.

Best Picture: American Beauty          
Best Actor: Kevin Spacy
Best Actress: Hillary Swank



TV Shows: The Sopranos, Futurama, and The West Wing

Music: Backstreet Boys - I Want it That Way  
TLC - No Scrubs
Britney Spears - Baby One More Time
Cher - Believe
Ricky Martin - Livin La Vida Loca

Books on New York Times Best Sellers List:
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - JK Rowling
Hannibal - Thomas Harris
The Testament - John Grisham
Bittersweet - Danielle Steele
The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon - Stephen King

Sports
FIFA Women's Soccer World Cup-US defeats China in shootout
FIFA Men's Soccer World Cup-France defeats Brazil 3-0
Superbowl champs-Denver Broncos defeat Atlanta Falcons 34-19
NCAA Men's Basketball champs-Connecticut defeats Duke 77-74 (Michigan State was also in the final 4!)
World Series-New York Yankees defeats Atlanta Braves 4-0
Michael Jordan announces his retirement. (for the first time)



Technology I did a guest post on how technology has changed over the last 11 years and how it affected my long distance relationship. I'm quite proud of it. Feel free to check it out.


Businesses were starting to advertise on Dot.com businesses online.
Online auctions sites were the new rummage sales where you could bid on other people's junk..
Chinese government restricts internet use, aimed especially at internet cafes.
The Melissa Worm infects MS word processing and email systems around the world.
The Blackberry was introduced but didn't reach a million subscribers until 2004.
The world was panicked and getting ready for the predicted Y2K crash when date/time reached 010100 00:00:00. I really wasn't too concerned. Nothing happened that I know of.  My sister sold generators at the time and it was a very good year for their company.

 Politics
President of US: Bill Clinton
Prime Minister of UK: Tony Blair
President Bill Clinton begins impeachment trial in the Senate.
Pro Wrestler Jesse Ventura is sworn in as Governor of Minnesota







Other Major Events of 1999
Hurricane Floyd hammered North Carolina
Columbine High School massacre happened in Jefferson Co, Colorado
Millennium Dome opens in London.
Ladbroke Grove rail crash in West London kills 31 people.

Another big major event is worth mentioning here. On October 12, 1999 the world was able to proclaim "The 6 billionth living human in the world is born". Vernon made a beautiful post about us and it was titled 6 Billion to One, We met in September, and the world didn't reach 6 billion until October, but then One in 5 Billion 999 Million 999 Thousand 999 to One just doesn't have the same ring to it.


So many things have changed since 1999, including us and our relationship. We love each other more and more every day so after 4,380 days that's quite a lot of feelings we have for each other. Also, physically, I don't think we changed a bit... and I'm stickin' to that. 

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HONEY. I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH AND HAVE CHERISHED EVERY MOMENT YOU HAVE BEEN A PART OF MY LIFE. I AM YOURS FOREVER. <3 <3 <3

Monthly Milestones - May

May has been a very difficult month for me; full of pain, drugs and feeling useless and bothersome. My being forced to sit for hours on end cooped up in the house has caused me to dive deeper in this thing they call blogging. It all started over a year ago with my friend Ali’s blog. If you check it out, you will see that she is a very creative and talented photographer who has three of the cutest kids you’ve ever seen. I would visit it every so often and thought this was a clever way to keep loved ones up to date on how everyone was doing. Then my amazing friend Kim introduced me to her blog. It’s just simply about happy thoughts, crafting and friendship. It was those two that gave me the inspiration to 1. Start writing again and 2. Create a blog! So, I went out and picked up Blogging For Dummies and began to think.

My blog was going to be a rant. Simply about stuff that pisses me off. I played with a few topics and then came to the conclusion that this world is already full of negativity. I should follow in the footsteps of Ali and Kim and write of positive happy things. Then it hit me… VERNON! It can be a simple blog about us, how we manage a long distance relationship (LDR) and advice for those in an LDR. I also post about our two cultures, travel, entertainment, pop culture and anything I can think of pertaining to our relationship. It started out kind of slow, I really didn’t know what I was doing. Now, for the month of May I have reached 18 followers and just this month I have written 6 posts. I’ve been trying to think of ways to make my blog better and visiting several new blogs a week, introducing myself and making comments. I’ve managed to pick up a few followers this month and it’s so exciting!

I have a basic goal for June. I hope to have at least two more followers and I will continue to follow new blogs and introduce myself and leave lots of comments. I also thought of a really cool idea to improve my blog that I know Vernon will love, but I’m not going to spoil the surprise right now. You all will see in good time.

Injury

April 13 was a very sad day, a very trying day, and a very painful day for me. When I say painful, I mean it in the literal sense. Yes, every time I have to leave Vernon it is painful, but this time, I experienced pain in more ways than one.

I checked in at the airport at the Air France counter. I get someone who can barely speak English... HELLO! WE ARE IN ENGLAND! WTF??? And I find out I do not have the seat that I confirmed 4 times through their partner airline since I made the reservation in January. You cannot reserve a seat when booking with Air France. I find that UNACCEPTABLE. I checked in early and I wanted an aisle seat. I told her the seat that I had reserved and confirmed 4 times and that I wanted THAT seat. I did a lot of research on planes and seats and locations of bathrooms and ratings of the locations of the seats and I paid for that seat and when I booked the plane was pretty much empty so I should have first pick of the coach seats. Well, every other airline lets you do that, but NOT Air France. UNACCEPTABLE. I was very upset that I did not have my seat and tried to understand her broken English and I told her I wanted an aisle seat close to where I had reserved the seat I didn't get. She found one for me, and I was sort of happy.

I had a long layover in Paris. I witnessed a lot of impatience and mistreatment of Asian travelers by the TSA. Obviously there are a lot of Asian travelers that pass through this INTERNATIONAL airport, where were the folks that could speak something besides French? UNACCEPTABLE. It was my turn to go through and having traveled before, I know the drill. I took my laptop out of its case, put it in a bin, then the BITCH looked at me, grabbed the empty laptop case and yanked it out of my purse with such force everything in my purse went everywhere. She just smiled and said "sorry". I wanted to punch her in the face. I just looked at her and said "What was that for?" I got nothing. NEVER have I been mistreated so badly by the TSA.

I boarded the plane and I was directed toward my seat. There was a girl sitting in my seat. It was on the aisle. I politely informed her she was sitting in my seat. She said her seat was the correct seat. I showed her my boarding pass and she said, yes, your seat is the second one in, mine is on the aisle. WELL SON OF A BITCH! That stupid incompetent non English speaking moron put me in an inner seat. I apologized to the girl and she got up and stepped into the aisle.  I had my carryon, was stepping over the girl's stuff, over the seats, making my way to the inner seat and POP! My knee exploded and I dropped like a sack of potatoes. I ended up in 2 seats and some poor guy's lap. I just lied there, not really sure what happened or how injured I was. The nice girl asked me if I was ok and I said "I don't know". I got into my seat and realized that I think I did some damage as I was in a ridiculous amount of pain. I fought back tears and didn't know how I was going to survive the 9hr flight from Paris to Detroit. Thankfully the girl I was sitting next to spoke to her family and they all switched seats so I could sit in an aisle seat next to a nice girl sitting by the window.  Once I got to Detroit I was in the worst pain, I limped through the airport, had to get my luggage and go through customs. Then I had to go through security again so I could get to my destination. The TSA in Detroit were much more pleasant that the ones in Paris and I was happy to be home (almost). Airport employees would see me limping and gripping the wall and ask me if I wanted a wheelchair. I just wanted to be left alone and I was miserable and upset and just kept telling them "No".

Well, it's one month later. I got an MRI and I have a partial tear on my ACL. I have been using crutches and can't get in to see the orthopedic surgeon until June 1st so now my back is out. I have been working from home for over a week, I can't get up or sit down without help. I have to call my daughter every time I need to go to the bathroom so she can help me stand up, I have to have her bring me my food and I'm taking vicodin every 4 hours. I'm in constant pain, I'm miserable, and I can't move. I'm worried that work will ask me to take time off and I'm out of vacation and sick time. I also recently lost 39 pounds from eating a balanced diet and exercising every day, and now that I can't even walk I've gained 5 pounds. I'm pissed and I'm upset and I'm feeling useless and neglected and very very tired. All because of stupid Air France. I will NEVER use that airline again. Oh yeah, and the food sucks too.... everything had this disgusting white mushy cheese on it and there were things I couldn't even tell what it was. YUCK.

Yeah, sorry about the venting, but the photo above is all I've been able to look at for the last week. If this injury affects my employment I'm definitely calling a lawyer.

Love Songs and Seriousness

I was thinking of songs today. A friend posted the song "When You Say Nothing At All" from the movie "Notting Hill". There were clips of the movie with the song as well. It just so happens that this movie is a favorite of mine and Vernon's. Also, this song is
wonderful. My baby girl is in college and she took the DVD player but I have "Notting Hill" on VHS so it's all good.


Vernon and I had a serious chat today. I'd rather we didn't have to have talks like this but it is necessary. We have been together for 11 years (this month!) and when I have a purchase to make, a problem, a decision coming up, or just happy wonderful news, I run it by Vernon. I get his input, advice and feedback. He does the same with me. He is going through a very difficult time right now and I was very honest and firm and it made me sad but it had to be done. I always risk having him get mad at me, (although I don't think he's ever been mad at me), when I am honest with him and we  
don't exactly see eye to eye. I don't think he would ask me for my opinion or input if he wanted me to just smile and agree with him, so I tell him how I feel and what I think. But, no matter what the problem, no matter what our views are and if he follows my advice or not, I support him completely and trust that he is making the right decision. It's times like this I wish I could be there to help him through this, sit up with him at night and let him talk things over, and use me as a sounding board. I would rub his shoulders, make him his late night hot chocolate or tea and tell him that everything will be OK.

Missing You Like Crazy

I had a long day at work yesterday. It started with a list of tasks and projects and everything got put on hold to troubleshoot an issue that came up. I manage the company's CRM and it is very user friendly. Glitches are something that just don't happen with this product. I had users telling me the site had a glitch, but I'm 98% sure that it was user error. I had to fix the problem and it took me the rest of the afternoon. As I made my corrections, evidence consisting of what I would call an electronic 'paper trail' proves that this was all user error. HA! When it comes to this CRM I know my stuff!

Around lunch hour, up pops my honey. Ha ha, you could take that a number of ways... but I'm talking IM. ;) We chat a few times a week. His job keeps him very busy so he's unable to chat every day. Some days are much busier than others for me, as while I'm chatting I'm doing other things. I'm the multi-tasking queen. Some days I end up neglecting him but he's very understanding because he knows I'm at work. Sometimes I forget he's on, which is TERRIBLE of me, but I'll get pulled away from my desk or get caught up in a phone call. It's not like he's ever distracted by 'Dr. Who', 'Top Gear' or that evening's movie. {insert sarcasm here} . As always, he asked me how my day was going. He's always interested in what's going on at work. Here is how that part of our conversation went.

V: how is my sexy girl?
K: lets just say, that if i were coming home to you tonight, i would insist that we order take out and then watch a funny movie with you curled up on the sofa of course. My brain is fried today.

It would have been a perfect night to go home to him with carry out for dinner and we would put on our comfy clothes, eat in front of the TV then curl up on the sofa with a funny movie. That would be perfect therapy for me. Instead, I did go home after work, sat in the truck and had a good cry before making it into the house to make a wonderful taco dinner for my daughter and the evening turned out to be very nice. My girl has a way of doing that for me.

Today was Vernon's day off, what he calls his "Fifth Day". I set my alarm for 6am to give him a call. I always try to call him on his day off since it is only noon over there. Well, I called again and again and he was not home. I knew he had lots to do, like look for blinds for the kitchen door and he likes to visit his parents, and he also spends quality time with his daughter so I wasn't surprised when he didn't answer the phone. I was feeling uneasy and full of anxiety this morning and really needed to talk to him, but I knew he'd be online later because yesterday he said he would be.

I'm feeling panicked and full of anxiety today. I had trouble focusing at work and feeling the physical effects of my stress. My daughter's graduation is in less than a month. I have yet to get out the invitations, order her gift, and finances are very tight. I have good months and bad months, why does this month have to be a bad month? Next month is orientation. We still have so much to do and plan for. I want it to be perfect. She deserves a perfect graduation party. I'm telling Vernon about my feelings, my worries, and how this stress today is affecting me. I could tell he was very worried, sad, and really wanted to help me. I need him on days like this. I cried again today but had to pull myself together because I was at work and I didn't want anyone to see me crying. It's days like this that make me angry that we are so far apart, I miss him so much and I get so tired of struggling with everything by myself day in and day out. I feel alone but then he tells me he loves me and I feel so much better. I remember what I am feeling is temporary and mostly because of the frustration of planning this graduation party and fearing the empty nest, not to mention my daughter, who is my best friend, will be moving 10 hours away from me in the fall. I'm still having trouble focusing so I'm sorry if this seems a bit scattered.

I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful understanding man make me feel so loved and cared for.