Love is an Open Door

A selfie I sent to Vernon on Valentine's Day

I'd like to post more often than I do but I don't always have the time so I thought I'd post various songs that have some relevance in our relationship. Some for the both of us, some more for me than him and vice versa.

Ever since I saw the movie Frozen I fell in love with the music.  Had to get the soundtrack immediately.  I listen to it every day on my commute to and from work which is about a 50 minute drive.  I know these songs and I sing along. This particular song reminds me of me and Vernon, our relationship and how fast it grew.  We are in sync with each other and have had similar experiences, much like Anna and Hans.  I absolutely love this song.

MY ELEVEN YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH TECHNOLOGY - UH - I MEAN VERNON (written as a guest post for another blog May 2, 2011)

Relationships change and evolve over time. Technology also changes and evolves. Sometimes they go hand in hand. Skype is eight years old. Myspace is eight years old. Facebook is seven years old. Twitter is five years old and iGoogle was launched five years ago as well. Eleven years ago, I met the man of my dreams, I had WebTV and I had no idea that we would be where we are today; in our relationship or in technology. If you are under twenty years old you probably have no idea what WebTV is. How would a couple maintain a long distance relationship without the technology listed above? Today’s kids probably don’t think about it and assume it’s been around since the dawn of time. We “old folks” know better, although I feel I’m speaking to a younger audience so I’ll tell you now…technology has come such a long way in the last eleven years.

Vernon in Michigan 2001. I’m such a Yooper!

Vernon and I met online. I was looking for young single parent support and he had made a post on a pen-pal site. I’m not sure how I found him because I was not familiar with this odd thing called “the internet” but he had everything I was looking for. He was a single parent, was my age, had a child same age as mine in addition to a younger child, and just wanted someone to write to, converse with, and interact with. Only negative was that he was a guy…. well, if he turned into a ‘perv’ I’d just stop writing him. We emailed each other for a while and discussed parenting, life, being single, working, and our pen-pal relationship turned into friendship which turned into something I don’t have a word for. Not a word that’s good enough anyway. We also wrote letters, you know, paper and pens and envelopes and stamps. Those kinds of letters. After several months, maybe close to a year, we finally exchanged pictures. Nope, no facebook yet, no picasa, we MAILED them to each other. I do believe that Vernon had a scanner and scanned a photo and emailed it to me. It took forever to download if I’m thinking of the right picture. We had already fallen for each other before exchanging photos. We got to know each other from the inside out. The photos were just a bonus.

As we got more familiar with the internet we became familiar with chat rooms. I don’t remember if it was yahoo or what, but we would have to log into the same chat room at the same time. I would create a private one so we didn’t have to be bothered by all the weirdo perverts out there looking for “cyber sex”.  I remember the first time some dude sent me a photo of his ‘junk’, that was pretty scary. It’s always a good idea not to talk to strangers, in person or on the internet. I then discovered an instant messenger program called ICQ. That was much better than chatrooms. So we used that and Yahoo IM.

We wanted to hear each other’s voice. I found a vending machine at the little shopping strip in my town and it sold international phone cards. I could buy one for $20 and we could talk for over 4 hours as long as we didn’t make multiple calls. Every time a call was made it would deduct some sort of fee that would lessen our minutes, so to get the most of our money we used it up in one shot. We did that about once a month. Sometimes I would fall asleep on the phone, or so he says.

There were no laptops, no wireless internet, and dial up internet was very expensive and the computers were very large and cumbersome. For a while I didn’t have a computer at all at home, just the webtv which had limited use. So when we did instant messenger it was while I was at work. Shhhhh.

Now with cloud computing (which is 100% of what my job consists of), digital photographs, Facebook, Picasa, iGoogle, Yahoo IM, Skype, webcams, I can go on, but you get the picture; our relationship has grown with the help of these tools. We are constantly aware of the other’s schedule, mood, and even when traveling we can keep in touch. We Skype once a week, only because of the 6 hour time difference and we both work full time jobs. Otherwise, we’d probably Skype every day. I have an awesome phone plan through Vonage where I can call him in the UK as often as I like and only pay one flat rate. I take advantage of that when he has days off of work and I call him when I get up at 6am. It’s a great way to start my day. I have uploaded web cam photos of myself and sent them to him a few minutes later. I record videos on my Flip Camera and he can watch them whenever he wants. He doesn’t feel like he’s missing out on major events and I can look at his photo albums any time I want. It makes the long distance relationship so much easier. Waiting several weeks for a letter is terrible. Don’t get me wrong, even with this technology, long distance relationships take a lot of work, but it just seems easier now.

Me in England 2011. We still look HOT!

Our bond was really strong from the beginning. I think that without this technology we’d still be together but the times in between visits and letters would be even more difficult and stressful. I don’t wish an LDR on anyone, but if you happen to be in one, take advantage of the technology out there, appreciate the time you have online, and make the best of it. Have fun and be creative.  I still manage to send Vernon postcards and the occasional letter or card. I guess I’m a bit old fashioned that way.

Guest Blogger: Sarah

I asked Sarah to write a guest post because I think she's awesome!  She too is in love with a very lucky, very charming British man. I think Chris and Vernon have to be the two luckiest blokes in England.  Sarah and Chris have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years and they are getting married in a few months. I love keeping up on the wedding plans as she has kept her readers up to date during the entire process. I find Sarah to be very funny, intelligent and such a sweetheart. And no, we have never met, but it feels as if we have and I always look forward to reading her blog posts. Please show your appreciation for Sarah and leave some comments. She is very gracious and I consider her a friend and I know she would enjoy to read your feedback.

I also want to add that Chris proposed via YouTube video.  I lost count of how many times I have seen it, but  it always makes me cry. It won them a honeymoon to Thailand... such a deserving couple.

An American Girl’s Guide to British Men

Although Kimberly may be even more of a master on the subject, I fancy myself quite the expert when it comes to British men. I’ve lived in the UK for a total of about a year and a half and have been dating one for almost four years.

In my experience, I’ve found the American woman/Brit bloke combo works very well, and is actually more common than you may think. So for all you ladies out there thinking that you fancy yourself your very own Mr.Darcy, (that’s what I sometimes call my Fiancé) I’ve made a lovely list (list? whoops my American is showing) for you, of dos, don’ts, and things to expect before entering a relationship with one of those dashing and debonair heartthrobs. Just think Hugh Grant or Colin Firth circa Bridget Jones.

*Disclaimer: The use of stereotypes in this article are merely for humorous purposes and are based on the results of my own experiences. (i.e. FACT!)

·         DON’T get on the tube after a long walk through rainy London town and proclaim in your American voice volume standards that your pants are all wet. Pants, ladies, means underwear... as in panties. And on that note, DON’T engage him in an argument about whether or not Gerard Butler was wearing pants in 300. (That was seriously our first ever argument).

·         DON’T offer to make biscuits and gravy for breakfast. He thinks biscuits are cookies and will be thoroughly confused.

·         DON’T expect him to have a car, a degree, or a savings account. Although in America we may think these are essentials before dating anyone, they are simply not priorities in the same way in British culture.

·         DO expect to swoon after he says the simplest of sentences. For some reason I love the way he says “toilet” and “chuffed” and even “no” ... although I don’t like hearing that word too much.

·         DON’T be surprised when he drops a bucket in front of you when you tell him you are “sick”. That means barfing. You should say “ill”. And yes, no matter how used to it you get, saying the word “ill” will always make you feel pretentious, or like you are in a low budget period drama.

·         DO let him do all the navigating. He grew up riding trains and buses (both of which are still new and exciting to me) and is most likely never completely lost. Just make sure you do the actual scheduling, Americans have a better knack of time management if I do say so myself.

·         DO not feel bad for relying on him to pull you out of a sticky situation. After all, he knows how to “keep calm and carry on.”

·         DON’T expect him to help you write this post.

·         DON’T expect him to have perfect teeth. Their dentists don’t force them into braces at the slightest of over-bites.

·         DO expect to have to do math just to talk about the weather. (F/C)

·         DO expect to have different ideas of what constitutes clean carpets *cough, cough*

·         DO try not to judge when he wants to put corn on his sandwiches or pizza

·         DON’T try and drink him under the table. Even if he swears he “doesn’t drink anymore”.

·         DO expect that he will laugh when you have problems navigating the smallest of roundabouts. They are simply part of Britain’s natural landscape.

·         DO expect him to complain about any car trip that is longer than an hour (“5 hours?! We could’ve been in Scotland by then!”). Yet he can sit through an all day movie marathon.

·         DO expect that he will be whole-heartedly on board for celebrating Thanksgiving. To him, it’s basically like an early Christmas dinner that you’ll cook.

·         DO expect him to ask to use the “toilet”. He means he wants to use the sink also.

·         DO expect him to be able to write the mushiest of love letters and emails. (When he wants to).

·         DO expect that he will be willing to literally run to the store at “stupid o’clock in the morning” to buy you medicine when you have cramps. Or leave work to get a taxi and take you to the doctor when you are sick (ill).

·         DO expect that he will be willing to spend hundreds of pounds and cross the ocean to be with you, even if only for a few weeks.

·         ALWAYS expect that he’ll be able to vanquish your ever present doubts and insecurities to make you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, (even if you are American).

·         DON’T take him for granted, he will be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Just Sayin'

Still Swooning Over the Royal Wedding

I don't know why... but this wedding was the most fun I had since I was actually IN England and I haven't even done a post on it yet. I was reading one of my favorite blogs and noticed an exciting post by Melissa of Smitten By Britain. The Royal Wedding DVD will be out soon! That inspired me to finally write about what I thought about the wedding. Prince William is so charming... (sorry for the pun); and Kate is so classy and down to earth. There is nothing "common" about Kate. Haters were getting sick

of all the hype about the wedding, the specials on every channel, the interviews with crazy royalty memorabilia collectors, look-a-likes making dance videos and the history of their relationship. I could never decide which channel to land on, but would stop if I saw Sharon Osbourne or Piers Morgan, two of my favorite Brits. While I was in England only 2 weeks before the wedding I could see all the tv ads for party supplies, bakeries, jewelers selling the similar famous engagement ring and retailers selling party dresses and fancy hats. Vern and I had been in Corfe and Swanage for the day and did some souvenir shopping. I saw magnets, keychains, spoons, bells, notebooks, jewelry boxes and this plate. I looked at these items, picked up other things for friends and family, came back to the Will and Kate stuff, looked at them again, picked them up, put them down, and told myself that I need to spend my money on postcards for my collection, Heidi and "the babies" (my niece and nephews). I knew I'd regret it but got over it.... well, we got home that night and everyone showed up to wish me a Happy Birthday and low and behold I got the same plate I saw earlier from Vernon's mother. I just started laughing out loud! It is so pretty and English and exactly what I wanted. And to think I nearly bought something like this myself.  I have it proudly displayed on my shelf above my desk at work next to my model trolley car from San Francisco and my model red double decker bus from London.

I loved everything about the hype, the procession, the cheering, the flags, the people, and the ceremony. The ceremony was wonderful. I especially loved Kate's dress. Wow! So simple and elegant. It was perfect. And her sister looked like a Hollywood movie star. It was fun finding the occasional famous person... well, lots of those people were famous, so I should say famous people that I actually knew. I loved the dresses and shoes and hats... all the hats! I'm not a hat person, but they are fun to look at. Some were just terrible too.... loved laughing at them! Like the two I call "the two ugly stepsisters". OMG! I had no idea who they were, but then later I found out they were the daughters of Sarah Ferguson who wasn't invited to the wedding, all of which I didn't understand until I read up on it later.... drama drama drama... now back on track to "the two ugly stepsisters". Those outfits!  That blue dress was, um.... yeah. And then that bow hat... what was that? Do they not own mirrors? If I were there I would have wanted to throw a bean bag through the hoop to win the prize. I guess when you are rich you can dress how you want no matter how hideous.

The moments after the ceremony were wonderful. The carriage ride was out of a fairytale, (YES! I said "fairytale"!) and the march of all the people to the gates of Buckingham Palace...I was amazed at how orderly the people were escorted, and the crowds went on forever. I couldn't believe how many people were there, especially the crazy Americans. Then the kiss... I nearly missed that because I had to get ready for work and they finally kissed... TWICE! So cute.

  

The best part of the wedding wasn't waking up at 4am,  finding the right channel to watch on TV, or logging onto the official Royal YouTube channel and keeping an eye on both screens so I don't miss a thing.  The best part was that little "beep" that led me to discover that..... VERN IS ONLINE!!!!!!! I tell him I'm going to call so we watched the wedding together. It was perfect. Watching the most perfect wedding on the phone with the most perfect man. It was great and I was in a happy giddy mood for the rest of the day at work.

Romantic Proposal and Dream Honeymoon!

My good friend and fellow blogger is a finalist in a contest where she and her fiancée can win a fabulous honeymoon!  All it takes is to CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR SARAH AND CHRIS! and then you hit the "LIKE" button under the video. I have watched this video over and over again and I tear up at the same spot every time! Help these two great people get their honeymoon.

They have been enduring a long distance relationship just like Vernon and I; and I only wish them the very best. Please take the two seconds to hit that like button.

THANKS! <3 <3 <3 <3


UPDATE:  They won and went on that fabulous honeymoon!

Addictions!

I get easily obsessed with things. Well, mostly certain TV shows, movies and songs. Vernon has been the cause of several of these addictions. He tells me about songs he listens to and sends me DVD's that he thinks I will enjoy and next thing I know my daughter and I know the entire series by heart. I am currently addicted to a song by Caro Emerald, I will post the video below. Another good example of one of my obsessions is this blog. I should really be chopping onions and carrots for a stew I'm making for tomorrow's St Patrick's Day pot luck at work, but instead I'm sitting down typing away. UGH... it's gonna be a late one tonight. Here are my addictions that were caused by Vernon:

Song: Back It Up by Caro Emerald. She is BEAUTIFUL and is one of those women who give power to curvy girls! And, I totally want that square necked black dress... LOVE IT!


TV Show: Black Adder, I selected a clip from my favorite season with Hugh Laurie. He is simply one of the funniest actors to come out of England.

TV Show: The Office. I had never heard of it. He sent it to me and mentioned that there was an American version. I picked up the American DVD after enjoying the English series. I wont say which one I like more because they are both very unique even though based on the same concept.


I think my worst addiction of all is the TV Show Vicar of Dibley. Heidi and I like to do the "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter" routine. It's the best!


The final one I will post is TV Show: The Thin Blue Line. I love this. Rowan Atkinson is genius in his comedic timing and facial expressions. I love the writing and Constable Goody... he's a riot! When Rowan Atkinson's character is reading Sherlock Holmes in bed... I wonder if that will be Vernon and I some day. Makes me giggle.

Dear Kimberly:

I was honored to have received a question from a college student who has been in an LDR for less than a year. She said my story was inspiring and she wanted advice. If she were my daughter, what would I say? I only know this girl from her very short email and I care for her already. Well, this blog post will be lengthy but this is the advice I gave her. I shall refer to her as "Miss College Student".

Dear Kimberly,
Me and my Bf have been exclusively together for a little less then a year and he asked me to me his gf recently. i know a short time but im in love with him and he says he loves me too ... I guess im drawn to your story because im in college a still have about 2 years left of undergrad and then im off to grad school hoping and praying i get into a school closer to him. My question is what advice can you Give me about making My long distance relationship last for the long haul like yours because it scares me to death to think about loosing him and after reading your background story and your LDR of 11 years im so impressed because everywhere else ive read says LDRs dont work and you give/gave me so much hope any advice you are willing to give me on ANYTHING (especially staying happy when Your SO isn't there with you and to cope with the distance) to do with the whole LDR situation would b much appreciated...
Thank You so much,
Miss College Student

Dear Miss College Student,

First of all, I don't wish anyone to be in an LDR for as long as I have.. it's tough. But, we are both older and have kids and being that we are loving responsible parents, we put our kids first. I don't regret a micro-second of our relationship as he is so very good to me and I wouldn't change a thing except the distance.

First, be sure to put your education first. NEVER sacrifice your education for a relationship, especially one so new. I can't stress that enough. You mentioned that you hope to go to grad school near him, if you were at this particular school, would you still be happy and successful at this school if your relationship didn't work out? You are at the time in your life when you have to put yourself first.

Now, what do we have that unsuccessful relationships don't have?

!. Friendship. We started out as friends. We weren't looking for anything. It just happened. We met online and only communicated in writing and emails and the occasional phone call with a prepaid calling card.( You may not even know what that is. LOL) Before the technology we have today. Amazing how much it has changed in the last 11 years!

2.Respect. He respects who I am, my beliefs, my reasons for not moving out there 9 years ago, my drive to move ahead in my career and the goals I have of constantly bettering myself. He does not want to be the person to hold me back, nor do I want to do that for him. He makes me want to be a better person, and I do the same for him.

3.Trust. This should really be number one. If I call him or log onto Yahoo Instant Messenger and he's not there, my thoughts have never gone to "HE'S WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!" and then grill him the second I see him online again. That will drive you crazy. You need to trust each other. If he is grilling you, there is a trust issue and you need to work that out otherwise you wont last. I had a male friend who I spent an entire summer with and I would tell Vernon everything about it. He eventually told me that he was jealous of this guy because he got to spend so much time with me. I stopped talking about my friend and cut down on spending so much time together with him out of respect for Vernon. I do feel men and women can be friends, but group outings are appropriate where extended one on one time isn't, especially when one or both are in a relationship.

4. Keep things interesting. Just because you are in an LDR doesn't mean you can't do fun things together. This website (www.lovingfromadistance.com) has so many awesome ideas. Vern was down several months ago, I bought a pack of "I LOVE YOU" postcards and sent him one every few days. You get the stamps ahead of time, even if he is international you don't have to mess around with customs documents or weights. Just one stamp and a postcard. It's amazing what that can do! Now with facebook, youtube, skype, your options are limitless.... I created a blog, I make videos, I send him photos and emails and still do the postcard thing. We also Skype on Sundays and I always look nice, I wear his favorite color, and we enjoy each other.

5. Communicate. Communication is very important. I'm lucky to have such a wonderful man who isn't afraid to say what he is feeling and listens to me say what I am feeling. We discuss issues, problems, concerns and share our good days and bad days. Sometimes he is strong for me and then I am strong for him. It's not all flirting and talking about gas prices and weather.

6. Honesty. This is as important as Trust. Vernon was honest with me about how me spending so much time with another single man made him feel. He didn't let it fester and then let it come out in anger. He cannot read your mind, don't expect him to. Men can't do it when they are living with us and they can't do it when far away. I think that is an unfair expectation we put on guys.

7. We promised each other that we would NEVER hang up on the other, disconnect from internet, or refuse to log on or call out of anger. That is damaging and unproductive. It's like couples who go to bed angry and don't talk to each other. If you need a break, discuss it, give yourselves a specific time frame, and reconnect when that time frame is up. If you need more time, set it then. Otherwise one is afraid to reach out to the other because he thinks you are angry or vice versa and you are getting sick because you don't know if you have been dumped.... I think we've only maybe had one disagreement that would qualify as a fight, but I don't think he'd even call it a fight. We didn't sign off angry, we always say "I love you."

8.I've gone on long enough, I love talking about our relationship, but I would have to say Appreciate each other. Don't dwell on the fact that he's not here or you are not there. That part sucks, but you have a special person in your life, and eventually your lives will merge together. I don't know your faith, but I feel God brings people together for a specific purpose and of all the people in the world He brought you two together. You are young, you are going to go to grad school and you can have such a wonderful, high quality life  and still have a long future together. I still have my days where I can't stop crying because I miss him so much. With a 6 hour difference and limited phone contact I can't just pick up the phone and call or text him like couples do when in the same country. You will feel like the luckiest person in the world, and you will feel like everything sucks. I'm not going to lie. But, focus on the big picture, you will get through those sad lonely times focusing on finishing school and planning for your future.

The best of luck to you both. I want to follow your journey and be there for you when things feel like they really really suck. Michelle and Frank (at www.lovingfromadistance.com) are also a wonderful resource for any questions or advice. They are putting education/career first, they are closer to your age, and you may think I'm full of hot air.. I don't know. Not all LDR's end in flames. There are a lot of happy couples on this site. Try to steer clear of any negativity. Also, you will get negativity from those who are close to you. Don't let them cause you doubt. I actually had another male friend tell me I was CRAZY to think that Vernon was being loyal to me, I was just naive. "All men cheat" instead of believing him, I felt sorry for him. He and I are not really friends anymore either. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. Hang tough! Love yourself! And enjoy your new relationship!

Lots of love,

KimberlyJ

     

Happy Valentine's Day to Me!

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man like Vernon. He spoils me every year for Valentines Day, just when I think I know what to expect he throws me something I do not expect. And I never expected this!