I'm On My Way To The U.K.

I've got my plane ticket and new luggage and I'm getting ready to go live with my husband in England.  It has been a very long, expensive and difficult process but we are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

• I have been living with my parents and then friends for a total of a year and seven months, which hasn't been easy for any of us. 
• I have submitted my letter of resignation and presented my employer with a document and resources regarding UK taxes and being an independent contractor in the UK hoping that they will need my services after I move.
• I had to apply for my settlement visa, which was probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It took us months to get the proper paperwork together. For more details, see my post The Visa Application.
• I have been taking trips back and forth to my storage unit going through my things, throwing things away, giving boxes upon boxes to Goodwill. Today I had the ReStore pick up my furniture.  Months ago I even gave my truck to charity.

None of these things have been very easy for me to do but I manage to get this stuff done.  I plan on working from my UK home in the area of Salesforce consulting and administration.  I am very good at what I do and I absolutely love it! I'm hoping to find some work as a consultant or administrator when I get settled.  

My days in the US are numbered... here is what we have planned:

• Feb 1: Vernon arrives in Upper Michigan but very late in the evening.
• Feb 2: Vernon helps me move out of my friends' house.
• Feb 3: Early morning trip down to Madison, WI to spend time with my family
• Feb 10: Back to Upper Michigan to visit with friends and co-workers.
• Feb 12: Head across the UP and over the Mackinac bridge to spend time with my daughter in Kalamazoo, MI. 
• Feb 14: Visit more family in Detroit area.
• Feb 15: Non stop flight from Detroit to London. 

So there you have it. My schedule for my last few weeks here.  I'm worried I wont see everyone I want to see but I promise that I'll be back someday to visit.

There are a few things I haven't quite figured out yet. If you happen to have any advice, experience or input please let me know!

• Banking. I have yet to talk to my credit union about keeping me on as a member but we'll see what happens. I have to have an American account in order to receive payment from my American clients and take care of my ongoing American expenses.
• Mail. I've been looking at these mail scanning/forwarding companies and the security part makes me nervous.  One I've been looking at in particular is Mailbox Forwarding.  I really need to make a decision on this soon.
• Website. I need to create a website for my Independent Contractor status and I'm not even sure where to start.  I have a Google+ account and there is a way to add business information.  I need a new email address too. 

The worst part of this is leaving my daughter.  She's an adult in college and finishing up her last year but it has always been just the two of us.  Soon she will be venturing out on her own finding out who she wants to be, where she wants to live and what she wants to do.  This decision of whether to move or not has been a difficult one but Vernon has made it very clear to us that she will always be welcome to visit or stay any time she wants.  

My Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin links are located in the upper right under my profile photo if you are interested in keeping in touch or utilizing my Salesforce expertise.  

WISH ME LUCK! 

Working in the UK

As I've mentioned I am moving to England. When I told my boss he informed me that I would be able to continue working from the UK.  At first this sounded simple, just take my computer overseas and just keep doing what I'm doing.  Well, there is a lot more to think about. Should I stay on as an employee? Should I work as an independent contractor? Do I create a business? I'm not even sure.  I don't know whether to create a US LLC or a UK LLC; or if I need to create anything at all. If I create a UK LLC will that create problems for the company I work for? If I create a US LLC will I be paying double taxes? What are the pros and cons of remaining an employee? So many questions.

 I have been reaching out to various resources for help and not getting much of a response, however there is a group on Linkedin that I reached out to and they have sent me an abundance of information that I checked out.  Have some things to research yet as it was all very thorough and kind of complicated.  I have family that is willing to help me out with this stuff too but I still need to get the UK side figured out. It's difficult finding people on the UK side when I am six time zones away.  So far Linkedin has been my best resource. Vernon has reached out to a type of UK Citizen information site. Not exactly sure how they will be able to help him but it's a step into finding the right information we need.  Our goal is to make this as painless as possible for us and my employer.

My biggest fear about moving to England was not having a job.  I've always had a job, since I was a kid.  My father always talked to us kids about working hard and having a strong work ethic.  We all have this.  My mom made many sacrifices and always put us first.  My dad put in long hours and made sure we always had what we needed.  I can't imagine not having a job.  I don't understand how people who deliberately live off the government have any self worth or pride.  I've always wanted my daughter to be proud of me and I don't want her thinking that it's ok to take advantage of the government benefits.  It's ok to get help when needed, but don't ever EXPECT a handout when all you want to do is nothing.  I'll beat her ass before I let that happen.  So far she's made me a very proud mom.

When I finally get to England, it will be nice to combine our households and have that extra bit of cash needed for getting things for our home and yard, going on little weekend getaways and of course, feeding my pizza and movie habit.  I really can't wait to see how frugal I can be with grocery shopping.  I want to get into saving money and finding those sales.  I also believe in shopping local, not a big fan of the WalMarts of the world so anxious to take advantage of the local farmers' markets and shops.

Wish us luck with this entire process. Lots to do and lots to think about.  I am very grateful for being able to keep my job and excited that I will be able to work from home and have dinner with my husband every night.  I'm always looking for advice and resources regarding this employment situation so leave a comment if you have anything for us.

Happy Father's Day Honey!

Happy Father's Day to my wonderful patient sexy husband.  Every day he loves and guides his two kids, Tom and Yaz as they grow and become responsible adults. They are both parents now and I find it comforting that they have a perfect example to look up to.  This is Diego, the newest member of the Phillips family.  He's getting big fast and so far, Grandad is the only one who can put him to sleep every time.  He does something called the "Diego dance". I can't wait to see that one.  I also love to see Grandad playing with sweet Saffron.  She's old enough to miss him when she hasn't seen him in a while. 

As I've said before, not only is Vernon a great dad to his two kids, he has been the attentive, supportive loving dad that my daughter deserves and never got.  She loves him and wants him to be happy.  She knows that he will always be there for her no matter what.  

Happy Father's Day Honey, I wish I could be there to spend the day with you and all the kids.  Would be an amazing day! I love you.

I'm Moving to England!

Never again do I have to endure the extreme pain that this view causes me.  I am moving to England.  This has been something that we have  been talking about for a while and the wheels are finally set in motion.  I am amazed at how difficult and expensive this process is.

 The UK Border Agency has changed their website a few times since we started researching the Visa process and I'm really liking the brand new set up.  Much easier to navigate.  I'm not too fond of the income threshold requirement which was set in place in 2013. I was fearful that we would not meet that, but thankfully we do.  Well, I shouldn't say "we" because they don't care that I make well above the income threshold, they don't care that I am a self sufficient English speaking tax paying American, and they don't care that I have a job and an impressive résumé showing a variety of skills and experience.  They only care about Vernon's income.  We are lucky that he met the threshold so we at least know we wont be denied because of that.  The main areas they will be looking at are:  Finances, Proof of Relationship, Legal Marriage, and me not having a questionable/criminal background or a scary communicable disease.  This process is getting less intimidating the further we go because it's just paperwork isn't it? We don't have to make anything up, we don't have anything to hide, we just have to do what we love doing... telling people about our relationship.

I am a 43 year old mom and I have accumulated a lot of stuff over the years.  I have moved in with my parents and have thrown out, given away or sold most of my belongings, furniture, and household items. That was a very difficult thing for me to do.  I plan on hiring an international mover because I will be bringing along a few boxes and some select pieces of furniture that I am very attached to.  That process will be expensive also.

The MOST difficult part of this will be moving away from my daughter.  She is my world.  We have discussed it and she is not thrilled that I'm moving but she wants me to be happy and she loves Vernon like a dad.  She is attending school at Western Michigan University and her major is English, secondary education. In less than 2 years she will be a teacher somewhere on either coast of the US.  Maybe we can convince her to find a job in the UK? Ha ha, let's get me over there first.

So, not only is this the most stressful, difficult and expensive thing I have ever done in my life, I get offered a little challenge.  I was informed last week that Heidi and I will be homeless at the end of the month.  I cried for days.  Didn't eat much or sleep at all.  I hated everyone except Vernon and Heidi.  I even hated myself because I have finally failed to keep a roof over my kid's head.  In the past we've lived without enough food, months without hot water, managed to live years without a phone, TV, and internet as those items are luxury items, and have gone several days without heat in the brutal UP winters because nobody gives a shit if you are a single mother who can't afford to pay the heat bill, but she always had a roof over her head.  I had nightmares of us living in my car in the parking lot at work. What if people found out? Where would I shower? Nobody wants people in their house, they have stuff to do, family plans, no room, I don't blame them.  Asking the people that I asked was the most humiliating thing I've ever had to do, and they would have helped if they could, but it's not like I'm asking to borrow their lawn mower for the afternoon.  Also, during all of this, my dear husband landed himself in the hospital.  My life was falling apart and getting to the UK seemed impossible now and Vernon is so sick he's in the hospital.  I was afraid to tell him what was going on with me and I ended up doing the selfish thing and dumped my problems onto him.  The thing is, he's the only one I depend on, the only person I can really talk to. He should be, he's my husband. But I should have been a better wife and waited until he was better.  Now he's going to read this and scold me because he wants me to tell him everything that is going on with me, good and bad, because that is the amazing man that he is.  I just know it makes him feel helpless when he can't help me with such problems, just like I feel helpless with him being in the hospital without his wife by his side comforting him.  I will add that mum and dad have been absolutely AMAZING during this time and have taken a lot of the worry and guilt off of me for not being there. Well, Vernon seems to be better and should be getting out tomorrow and I have found a place to live.  A friend has a spare room for me and Heidi and she has already made us feel welcome and wanted; and we haven't even moved in yet.  I don't know if I will ever be able to thank her enough for this.

Another challenge that I faced this week was my boss.  I have been fearing this conversation for months.  How do I tell my boss, who has expanded my skill set, taught me new things, challenged me, and promoted me that I am moving to England?  Well, I did just that and his reaction was that he was happy for me, expecting this conversation sooner or later, and was ready with his answer.  He said I couldn't get away that easy and told me that I would be allowed to work remotely from England after I move.  How amazing is that? I'm going to get to keep my job. I love my job. Thank goodness it's in Salesforce.com and IT. Not everyone can do what I have the privilege of doing which is work from home.  That conversation was yesterday, and I think it finally kicked in today because I really haven't been able to enjoy my good news as I have been focused on Vernon and his health.  This weekend we will celebrate and I will give him all the awesome juicy details during our Google Hangout.

Well this is already ridiculously long but I have so much to say. I will keep you posted and try to document this process.  I've been getting help from a fellow blogger/friend who did the same move and has been very supportive, informative and helpful.  One day I hope to do the same for another soon to be expat.

The Wedding

We got married July 27. It was an intimate ceremony at my parents' house. Last summer was rainy and cool and on our wedding day it drizzled off and on all morning.  The plan was to do everything outside: Get married, play cornhole and enjoy our shredded turkey sandwiches in the sunshine.  I was stressing over the sporadic rain but when it came to "I do" time, it stopped. We had our ceremony, took pictures, and it started up again.  I feel like God stopped the rain just for us.  The photos below were taken by a local photographer, Mearleen's Photography. She also made us the most amazing DVD. The DVD was very important to us because Vernon's parents were not able to be at the wedding. I told Mearleen how we wanted it done so that my future in-laws didn't miss anything. She delivered exactly what we wanted.  We couldn't have asked for a more perfect wedding day.

Salon 323

Perennial Gardens

Vernon, my daughter and nephews decorating the sign for the four wheeler.

We wanted an eggless cake and a local girl who bakes as a hobby sold her first cakes to us.  She went above and beyond to find the most amazing eggless cake recipe and then perfected it. 

This handsome couple graced the top of my parents' wedding cake many years ago.

Perennial Gardens

We did a "first look". Then I put on his boutonniere

I was trying so hard not to cry.

I love this girl!

Ok Ok, I had to throw a little bit of Yooper in there.

I can't believe we all fit inside. My family did an amazing job moving everything into the house.

I wish we could do it again.

Happy Father's Day!

I would like to say Happy Father's Day to three of the most important fathers in my life.

My English dad: "He is a very tall man". That was my first thought when I met him several years ago.

He is loved and highly respected by all in his family. He is often surrounded by his grandkids and as of April 2011 he is now a great grandad. He likes to play and have fun and I have never witnessed him grumpy or impatient.  He is a perfect example to his grandsons on how to have a good work ethic, how to treat the women in your life and simply how to be a good man. He is one of those dads who will come to your rescue if you are having car trouble or need a hand with moving and home repairs. He doesn't expect anything in return. When I am there I don't feel like a foreign visitor. I feel like part of the family, I feel loved and accepted and missed when I am gone. He is a wonderful man and I am thankful that he is a part of my life. I can see why Vernon is the man he is today.

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My Dad: He is my Superman

I don't even know where to begin. He's the guy who taught me how to play baseball and basketball and ride a bike. Most importantly he taught me that the only way to get the rebound was to "sacrifice my body!" He rescued me from my runaway tricycle as it was taking me down the hill way too fast. He picked me up after I went face first into a tree on a sledding hill. He took me trick-or-treating on the John Deere Tractor. He took me to lots of Brewer games, a Bucks game and I even got to see the Harlem Globetrotters. He taught me how to fish and how to do my taxes. He taught me how to balance a checkbook and look for a job. He coached me on interviews and helped me do my homework. He also made sure I had change when I went out so I could call home if I needed a safe ride, and I always knew I'd be much better off by calling him no matter what situation I was in.  He even didn't accuse me of lying when I wrecked the car on the way to my ACT's and I told him it was a hit and run while parked. He knew better... but never called me on it.  I have often felt like I have disappointed him because I did not follow the path he laid out for me. But then we have moments where I do feel that he is proud of me, and the woman and mother I have become. If it wasn't for the Christian upbringing and the work ethic, I don't think I would be very happy with who I have become or where I am in life.

My dad is also a wonderful grandpa. He has had to pick up a lot of slack left by Heidi's absent inattentive father. He has made sure Heidi had experiences and opportunities that I normally wouldn't have been able to give her.  Heidi and grandpa are best buddies, and that means more to me than anything he's ever done for me.
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My Sweetheart, Vernon, what a wonderful loving dad he is.

His number one priority has always been his kids. Making sure he made time for them and gave them the attention that they needed. If we were chatting, he would tell me one was needing attention and we would say goodbye. If I didn't see him online at all he was spending time with them. I love that about him.  We have had this long distance relationship because of the kids. All three of them. Although I have not been in England, I have watched his two kids grow up through pictures. He has told me of the awards and accomplishments of school, activities and sports. I hear about the friendships, girlfriends, illnesses, sad times and difficult times. I have cried with him and rejoiced with him and even given him advice on the tough stuff.  Most recently, I was able to share his joy of the birth of his granddaughter. He's going to be a super 'granddad'. Bottom line, he's a great dad, and grandpa who is dedicated, loving and loyal to the ones that depend on him so much.

He has also been a wonderful loving father figure to Heidi. As you know her dad is absent emotionally and financially and Vernon has been there to support her and encourage her and make her feel important and loved.

Vernon has dedicated his life to his kids and has made an impact on mine, showing them by example how to have a good work ethic, how to treat others and how to conduct yourself with class. He also made it very clear to them that they are loved. It's these traits that make him very attractive to me, well, it's part of the reason he's very attractive to me.

We have a date in Spain planned!

I was a basketball player and I am a football fan. Americans get a little nuts over Nascar, especially in the south. Why? I have no idea. It’s as boring as golf to me.  I just assumed all racing was the same as Nascar, round and round and round and round and round the same round track.  Well, all racing isn’t as boring as Nascar.

I was Skyping with Vernon today and I was being distracted by Heidi and goofing around with her.  Vernon was being distracted by the TV and searching for the mother ship, uhhhhh I mean a mother board.  Well, he then started to get pretty vocal while watching the TV. “Woah!” and “Oooh!” and “I love it when they race in the rain, they’re all over the road!” I was like, “What are you watching?” He said the blah blah blah race in Canada. I figured it was live and I started flipping channels. I found golf (Aaak!) and Nascar (Aaak!) and then this other race with these cool low little cars and the course was all curvy and twisty and it was wet and as I turned it on this guy was trying to get debris from a recent crash out of the road and freaked as a car came around the curve and he fell so the car had to swerve around him. {breathe!} I bet they both needed a clean pair of shorts after that.

In the upper left corner I saw a logo, F1.  So I asked Vernon, “F1, Formula 1, you know that racing group right?”

“Yes, that’s what I’m watching.”  

Then I saw the Canadian flags and I knew we were watching the same race. AWESOME! Last time we watched the same thing together it was the Royal Wedding.  We started watching the race together. Well, I had an educated guess that F1 racing was international, drivers from all over the world. Since Vernon was into cars and Top Gear I’d figure he’d know the name of England’s driver if they had one. Turns out they have 2 guys, Hamilton and Button. After he said the second name I was like, “I have a button on my shirt-Button?”

“Yes”.

Well, turns out this Button guy was in 4^th place, then 3^rd then 2^nd, and there were a few laps to go.  It was pretty exciting to watch. Those little cars can really get around those hairpin turns.  Then on the final lap the guy who was ahead for several laps lost control for a bit, Button pulled ahead and he won the race. I don’t know if it was fun and exciting because it actually was or because I was watching it with Vernon and we were enjoying it together?  Either way, we are going to watch the next race that takes place in Spain, two weeks from now.

I think we have a date planned. I can’t wait!

Chatting With Vernon Today

Kimberly:  the city is going to be digging up my entire block
Vern: ?
Kimberly: there is blue and yellow spray paint up the entire block and yellow flags everywhere.
 my road, infront of my house, they will be digging it up
Vern: any reason
Kimberly: don't know, it looks perfectly fine, might be waterline work or something?
 it's gonna suck
 i mentioned it to heidi and she's like "Yay! Construction workers!"
 i'm like, "Uh, NO, I don't think so!"
Vern: no it's me, i'm having a tunnel dug from here
Kimberly: lol YAY!!!!!!!!

What were you doing one year ago?

Vernon and I chat several times a week.  I was going through our chats from 2010 and thought it would be interesting to see what we were talking about a year ago today. I wonder if all our chats are like this because boy do I look like I have some form of A.D.D. because I jump around from topic to topic.

One year ago today:

• I synced my Outlook calendar with Salesforce.com. Vernon's response, "You know how to have fun."
• I told Vern about the awards ceremony at Heidi's school, how she was going to get presented with her scholarship to WMU and that my Aunt and Uncle would be there too. (Turned out that they don't present the big awards on award night, they save those for graduation so we sat through that entire thing for nothing.)
• I was very angry. Didn't know why. I couldn't focus. Had a bad case of road rage on the way to taking Heidi to school. Vernon said, "It's good to be angry every so often." 
• A certain co-worker was annoying the crap out of me quite frequently and did something specific that day that really annoyed me. This year I don't have to deal with that person anymore. WOO HOOO!
• I was worried about seeing the Ex next week. I'm thinking that was for graduation. I'm actually shocked he showed up. Was never good at following through with commitments to Heidi.
• Vernon had 46 parcels (packages) for one house. He didn't mention it to his manager because he would have taken them off of him and given him 45 more packages to different houses. That is what my dad would call working smart, not hard. Then I went on to talk about my FedEx days. Oh such good times... (not really)
• Vernon's work got a new computer system and it broke down... is an expensive new system and it breaks down. Frustrating.
• I took my lunch break at home and thought I'd surprise Vernon with a phone call. Of course no one answered. Vernon's reply, "although as I look across to the phone, I see someone has called. Sorry Darling." (I love when he calls me Darling).
• I'm training a new girl, they hired someone yesterday to help me out. She's very tall, young, eager to learn and very nice. 
• Heidi just called, she and her friend are going to study at the park. She's got an Economics test and her friend has a Government test. (Wow, seems like yesterday she was in high school)
• It was a beautiful sunny warm day but I was freezing my boobies off? Vernon's response, "Be careful where they fall!" Apparently it was warmer in the U.P. than in Somerset that day.
• I had an odd dream last night... A Watertown firefighter, my friend NM, Heidi and I were in some unknown living room watching TV. I was only wearing a towel. NM and the firefighter were my ride. I wanted to go home to get dressed but no one would take me.
• I was looking at Vernon's photos in Facebook. He had a picture of the place where we had our dinners during our trip to Copper Harbor. 
• We say goodbye the same way nearly every time. Vernon: "bye sexy"; Me: "bye".

21 DAYS!

This photo was taken during my last trip to England, December 2009. It seems like several years ago. Well, in 21 days Vernon will have his arms around me in Bristol airport and I can't wait. I'm sad that I have to leave the kid behind but she'll be studying for finals. Tonight I got a new camera, nothing fancy, and it was on sale. I have my flip camera for taking videos which I really love, and I've been picking up things like chocolate and Lucky Charms for the kids per their request. I plan on stocking up on Curly Wurlys as  they are mine and Heidi's favorite candy bar! But... I've been eating healthier for the past 2 months, down 25 pounds and I don't know if I'm smaller than I was when this photo was taken. I have all the same clothes but they are so worn and old it's hard to tell. I have a goal to lose 10 more before the trip but we'll see how that goes. I'm not worried about sticking to my new eating habits while I'm there. Europeans eat differently than Americans. We Americans are pigs and eat way too much. I love the smaller portions in the restaurants and even at the grocery store, the family sizes aren't really that big. I'll have to remind Vernon to fill the ice cube trays as I will be drinking lots of water and I like it COLD! COLD! COLD! Lukewarm water makes me gag. Yuk. Two weeks with Vernon isn't enough. It's overwhelming when I get there, then we get into a mode where it just feels so right when we are together. We can sit quietly in the car, in the living room, at the table, I fall asleep on him when we are watching movies, we are each other's missing half. I'll be turning 40 while I'm there. I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday, especially such a special one. I'm going shopping for clothes with a very good friend so that will be exciting. We've gone shopping together before, and we had a blast. Leaving is horrible. Just thinking about it makes me cry. We feel it creeping up on us when there are 3 days left, then 2, then 1, then we're saying goodbye at security and I have to sit all by myself waiting to board the plane. I cry a lot on that day. It doesn't get easier. I've done this several times and it just doesn't get easier. It's almost easier not going at all, but that's just flipping crazy. I want us to do lots of relaxing, lots of talking, cooking, and I want to watch movies. I did recently whine to him about wanting to visit a castle so he sent me several choices and I'll be picking out where I want to go. I still have to pick up some dramamine so I don't have a repeat performance of the time Heidi and I had our faces in the barf bags as we were roughly coming in for a landing in North Carolina. That was terrible! It's going to be a long 21 days.

You would think I'd be used to this already!

We usually only chat and send emails because of our work schedules and the time zone difference. I got a house phone with an international plan with the intent on calling Vernon every weekend, but that has been difficult with my busy schedule with Heidi. This Labor Day weekend we spoke twice, and got out the web cams to video chat. We both have lots going on and had a lot to talk about, then I just took a good look at Vernon. I could see him from the chest up, he was sitting on his sofa, and he was tired. I just started to cry. He looked so handsome and so comfortable and I could almost smell the laundry detergent in his t-shirt and I just wanted to hug him and I couldn't. That's all I wanted, just one quick hug. I'm not used to seeing him in between visits and it's difficult. I should be used to this, but just when I think I'm ok with the long distance relationship thing, it really really sucks and I cry and cry and cry. It's difficult hearing him tell me that I'm cute and beautiful and sexy, but I love it so much. I don't want it to stop, because when I'm with him I feel that I am all of those things. He looks at me like I'm the only woman in the world, and he get's this sweet smile on his face like I'm amusing him with a joke or a story and I'm not even doing or saying anything.  I don't want that to stop either. It's so difficult saying goodbye and I'm crying right now just thinking about it. Now that Heidi is off to college, I'll have more free Sundays and I can get used to seeing him and talking to him more often. I can't imagine my life without him, even if he is 3,500 miles away.

Practical Conversations

Vernon and I are in a long distance relationship.  Not only are we in a long distance relationship, we have been in this ldr for nearly 11 years.  Our looks have changed, our personalities have changed, our kids have grown and our conversations have evolved.  We usually chat around my lunch hour or while I'm working so there are a lot of pauses due to me multi-tasking. I often have important things to discuss with Vernon because I talk to him before making any major decisions regarding anything and when I need advice on a challenge I am facing. He is my logical thinker, he knows me better than anyone else, and I trust him completely. His input is important to me as he is very intelligent and straight forward. He is honest and I love that about him. Today we were discussing taxes, credit cards, our next 2 visits and work.

Vernon was talking about his council taxes. I had no clue what that meant so I asked.  He explained something to me that resembled city property taxes. I pay rent, always have, so I've never directly had to pay property taxes, although my rent pays the taxes for the house I live in. I found that to be interesting, it's set up a little differently over there. I'd like to know more about it but today was not the day.

We also talked about credit cards. He and I share different opinions about them, his more conservative than mine, and I didn't like what he said to me, but he was being honest. We don't have to agree on everything. I hate money, I don't have enough to pay my basic bills, I have a truck to fix and I need to see the Dr. but I have more than a lot of people so I shouldn't complain.

I really want Vern to come out with his daughter, she wants to see America and I want to show her a wonderful time here, but we just don't have the money. I suggested he send her alone, but she's still a bit young and has never traveled before. He suggested I visit early 2011. I'd love to do the Christmas trip again, but not without my girl, and we can't afford 2 adults so that would mean she would have to save her money and she wont be working that many hours. So.... I'm not sure yet.  We are also planning a trip in 2012, our friends are getting married in Bristol, UK. I'm planning this trip alone, if my daughter sticks to her plan, she'll be in Australia by then. Vernon said he doesn't want to wait until 2012 to see me, and I don't want to wait either. Right now flights are super cheap, I want to nail something down soon.

We always ask each other about work. We both have challenges that we are faced with every day, him more than me. I love my job, but it can be overwhelming at times. There are days when I can't wait until I talk to him so I can tell him how I've been kickin' butt and days when I need to talk to him because I don't think I can do this anymore... he always tells me how talented and smart I am and gets me out of those ruts. I hope I'm able to do the same for him when he's frustrated with his job.

I love these talks that we have, even though we weren't very lovey dovey, we never forget to tell the other "I love you". Couples need to have these discussions in addition to the mushy ones, I think that's what makes us a serious couple. We aren't in fantasy land and have our feet on the ground, however when we are together those 2 weeks every couple of years our feet don't really touch the ground until it's time to go home. I have to say this about him, he is very disciplined when it comes to money, and if he managed mine I'd probably be in a better situation. When we were wrapping up our conversation he said to me, "I'll let you know when I win the lottery" and I replied, "Me too". That would be sweet wouldn't it?

Loving From A Distance - You Guys Rock!

I am dedicating this blog post to the folks at www.lovingfromadistance.com .  I have been following them on Facebook and Twitter for a while but I finally signed up and have been looking around in the forums, blogs, groups and shop.  I love it!  I have been in this relationship for so long, and I have had no support other than Vernon.  No one understands, sometimes I even feel like people think I'm making him up.  No one sees him as my equal partner. I don't talk about him really except with those very special friends who have actually met him, and complete strangers. Anyone that has met him thinks he's wonderful.

I have really enjoyed this site, reading about people with a variety of concerns, questions, celebrations and I feel myself celebrating with them.  I think a long distance relationship (LDR) is a wonderful thing. If you can survive through an LDR you can survive anything. It teaches you patience, understanding, appreciation and loyalty. You have so many opportunities to lie, cheat, accuse the other of the same, take a line in an email to mean something negative when in fact it was said in humor... it is a challenge. I hope to connect with people in a new LDR and people that have been in an LDR for several years. I have yet to find someone who has been in one as long as ours, and  if you are that person reading my blog please come forward as I am so interested in hearing your story!

I have managed this LDR with Vernon for nearly 11 years. It has become second nature, a part of my life, who I am. He is my other half and he just happens to not be here with me. We both have adjusted while still having our bad days apart, but overall I think we handle it better than we did 5 years ago.  I will be going through a major life change very soon and I have been dreading it for so long.  My baby girl, the girl I have raised by myself since she was almost 2, the baby girl who I feel I "grew up with" is now going to leave for college in one month.
She has been my strength, my reason for living, my reason for making the decisions I have made on anything, my reason for being in an LDR for over 10 years.  She is my #1 and always will be.  We are so close and do everything together.

We even have our own language which drives other family members and friends crazy. We have obsessions like Jackie Chan movies, Charmed, Gilmore Girls (it's so much like us it's freaky! lol), and most recently Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We are still working on season 7 and it's getting pretty dark and scary and intense.  Anyway, she's my best friend and she's going to be leaving me.  Don't get me wrong, I want her to go off to college, see the world, reach her goals... if that meant never seeing me again then so be it, as long as she is happy.  But... I will miss her. I will be sad without her and that will put my LDR at a different level that will make me feel like I'm starting over again. I'll have one of those sad days missing Vernon and instead of coming home to my wonderful daughter who will take my mind off of my misery, I will be coming home to an empty house to torture myself with my thoughts of misery and loneliness. I will now be maintaining TWO LDR's and it's gonna suck.  Vernon understands this and will be the most wonderful partner that he always ends up being and will put up with my adjustment as I will be very emotional for a while.

I want to thank Michelle and Frank for starting www.lovingfromadistance.com for people like Vernon and I.  I now have a place to go to express my feelings without being judged when Vernon and my daughter are not available. If you haven't checked this site out, click on the badge at the top of this post, or the link on the right. There is something for everyone in there.   You guys rock!

There is missing you and then there is MISSING YOU.

Things have been crazy busy for me this summer getting the kid ready for college.  First it's a full weekend of graduation and then the party 4 hours from home.  Then we had to make a trip down to fabulous Kalamazoo for a 2 day orientation, with 2 days of travel and an extra day for just hanging out.  It gets expensive and I'm using up my vacation time pretty quick.  I don't remember to check my email or even log on to the computer because I'm out of my normal routine.  The norm is chatting nearly every day with Vernon, sending occasional emails and Facebook or Picassa updates. When I'm away from the computer, It's as if I've left him behind.  I miss him in a different way.  I don't know how to explain it.  We joke about the day when we are finally united and we wont know how to function together.  He'll get home from work and sit down at the computer and I'll be in the next room on another computer and we'll chat to each other.  Crazy, I know. My recent adventures have been so jam packed with information, excitement, stress, and interesting stuff.  This thing with me being a parent of a high school graduate is new to me, I need Vernon to help me cope and celebrate, but I'm not even logged into the computer.  I always tell him before I go anywhere.  We made a promise to each other that we would not avoid logging into the computer for more than 3 days no matter if we are upset with each other (which has never happened, I don't think) or if we are busy.  When I didn't hear from Vernon for 3 days, I worried.  I've worried things like he's mad at me, he's sick, he's had an accident, all the worst... I'm a worrier.  It's always the work schedule, he has a demanding job.  When his job is extra demanding, I'll get a quick short email just saying that he loves me, and I'm happy with that.  I want him to take care of himself, I want him to give his kids the attention that they need, I want him to be happy and not worry about me, but I do need to hear that he is still alive if it's going to be 3 days.  Today is Friday, he's usually there on Fridays.  But... work has been tough, he's had a recent minor injury and I know his son is coming home for a visit sometime soon, so I'm not worried. Well, I worry about his injury, but I know overall he's fine.  I'll try calling him Sunday afternoon (evening his time) and if he's not in, we'll catch up on Monday as he usually does after a long weekend of no contact.  I constantly miss him, but I miss him in a different way when we don't communicate for several days.

It's amazing how he can read my mood just from chatting.  With all the stress of getting the kid ready for school, I've been very emotional and moody. Sometimes we are both moody and tired which makes for a very brief and uneventful conversation.  We don't fight, we just don't say very much.  The last time we chatted, he was extra attentive.  It was wonderful.  He was unusually talkative, flirty, spunky.  I liked it.  I needed that. He picked up my crappy mood and made me smile.  He's very intuitive to my needs and feelings and this is over the computer.  Whew, I'm babbling and falling asleep. I'll try to post more often, things are so crazy for me right now.  Have a great weekend!

Good Days and Bad Days

I don't recognize the person in this photo.  I know it's me, but I don't recognize her as me.  Normally I try to be as invisible as I can in front of the camera.  But... when Vern is the one taking the photos, I enjoy having my photo taken.  I smile, I feel beautiful and I have fun.  Also, when I am having photos taken of me just for Vern, I enjoy those too.  Like when he sends me a gift or he's been begging me for some more photos.  I also make a point to wear red, he likes me in red, and he loves my eyes.  My world completely disappears when he's looking directly into my eyes.  Whew!  Anyway, back to the photo... it was taken in England.  To be honest, I don't remember where, Portland Bill is my educated guess... and I'd have to do some math to remember the year.  I do remember being very insistent on finding a small replica of the Portland Bill lighthouse for my mom, and I wasn't going to leave until I found one.  Thank goodness I found one.

Well, the title of this post is good days and bad days.  That is because I have had both lately.  My lovely daughter just graduated from high school.  She's an amazing kid, very creative, beautiful, loving, funny, mature, but really has to work at her grades.  Her graduating was a major milestone that made me cry and shake to the point of not being able to take a decent photo of her during the graduation ceremony.  I really wanted Vern and the kids there.  They are part of our family and this is a celebratory occasion when they should be here.  It's not a practical request in this situation, but I'm human and I want my way and I really wanted them here.  There have been many times when I felt this way about being there... like when Vernon gets very sick or when he injured himself this past winter, and when his kids have those usual teen moments where they or dad need that extra support.  It just isn't practical.  I took lots of photos for Vern and the kids to see, so he doesn't feel like he missed anything.  He moans at me when there aren't any of me, so I made sure others used my camera and took a few pics.  Work has been going well too, I come home with so much to talk about but he's not here.

Today was a bad day.  I became frustrated early in the day and it got worse from there.  I came home and had lunch with my daughter which was nice, and then my afternoon really dragged after that.  On my way home I started to cry.  I don't think I actually had a good reason, it was just one of those days, maybe I have PMS... I don't really keep track but it's possible.  Regardless, I was sad and needed Vernon.  As I was in tears I was thinking that Vern is nuts to love someone as emotional as me.  He knows how I get and he's seen and heard me cry.  I even tell him if I'm crying while we are chatting.  I have to be myself around him.  I like to be myself around him.  He doesn't mind the emotions.  He accepts everything about me.  I did come home to a cheerful girl who was happy to see me and my mood changed quickly.  But then my thoughts moved to the days when she will be off to college and I'll really be alone on days like this.  I wanted to cry again but didn't. Over the winter months Vernon went through a bit of a sad slump that he just couldn't shake.  To help him out of that I found a pack of these awesome postcards on Amazon.com and sent him a couple a week.  He seemed to enjoy them.  I was determined to cheer him up.  He also comes home to a cheerful daughter, and he wont be shipping her off to school for some time so he's good for a while.

I look forward to the days when I can come home and celebrate a successful day with him, or give him the heads up when I'm having a bad day and he greets me with hugs and ice cream when I get home.

Happy Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day today!  I woke up my daughter at 8:30 this morning and told her I wanted to go out for breakfast.  I like the buffet at Country Kitchen and they always do something special for Mother's Day.  Of course, the teenager was very cranky with me for waking her up... but I reminded her that it was Mother's Day and that helped a little.  Well, by 10:30 my lovely girl and I were enjoying our brunch, she had a very nice hand made card for me and we had an awesome morning!  I'm lucky to have a girl like her.  She had prom last night and looked absolutely gorgeous, and yesterday morning we went on an early road trip to go shopping and we "car seat danced" and sang the entire way. After brunch we window shopped at the shopping center that passes for a mall in our area, then came home to relax and enjoy the rest of our day. I logged on to Facebook and I had a note there from Vernon's daughter wishing me a Happy Mother's Day.  She is a 13yr old beautiful girl who is very close to her dad.  I miss her very much. I want to teach and guide her as an adult female role model should, but it's so difficult with me being so far away.  Her laughter is contagious and her smile is amazing.  I love her very much and I fall in love with Vernon more and more when I see him with her and listen/read when he's gushing about her accomplishments.  Sometimes I have to help him with some of the female stuff, but overall, for a dad, he does ok.  He also has a son the same age as my daughter and for a while he's been going through a rough patch.  Vernon has been stressed and I have been as supportive as possible.  I've cried and worried because I should be with Vernon helping him out and supporting him, but, all of a sudden, his son is becoming the responsible young man that we knew he had the capabilities of being.  Vernon and I just have to keep loving him and supporting him while he finds himself as most teenagers need to do as they become adults.  I'll be sending mine off to college in the fall.  I'm scared and nervous about the entire transition. Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to handle the separation. To be honest, I wish Vern was here to help me with this overwhelming task but it's something I have to do on my own.

Back on the topic of Mother's Day, I love my mom. She is helping me get through so much lately with planning the graduation party and visiting me when I'm feeling overwhelmed.  She's always been loving and supportive and I have been so very lucky.  Another mom who means alot to me is my English mum.  She is simply the English version of my mom.  When I am around her I couldn't feel more loved or accepted as a guest, and as her son's partner.  I miss my family when I am visiting in England, but Vernon's family makes it so easy for me to not be as homesick.  Also, when I am here, I miss her very much.  I miss her hugs and the way she says my name.  I'm crying right now just thinking of her.  She loves her son so very much.  She does things for him just as my mom does things for me.  And... Our moms never ask for anything in return.  We are both so lucky to be blessed with the moms that we have.  And my mom loves Vernon. She's tearfull when he visits and it is time for him to leave.  I hope he feels as special here as I do there.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful moms in my life.  You deserve to be celebrated.     

Missing You Like Crazy

I had a long day at work yesterday. It started with a list of tasks and projects and everything got put on hold to troubleshoot an issue that came up. I manage the company's CRM and it is very user friendly. Glitches are something that just don't happen with this product. I had users telling me the site had a glitch, but I'm 98% sure that it was user error. I had to fix the problem and it took me the rest of the afternoon. As I made my corrections, evidence consisting of what I would call an electronic 'paper trail' proves that this was all user error. HA! When it comes to this CRM I know my stuff!

Around lunch hour, up pops my honey. Ha ha, you could take that a number of ways... but I'm talking IM. ;) We chat a few times a week. His job keeps him very busy so he's unable to chat every day. Some days are much busier than others for me, as while I'm chatting I'm doing other things. I'm the multi-tasking queen. Some days I end up neglecting him but he's very understanding because he knows I'm at work. Sometimes I forget he's on, which is TERRIBLE of me, but I'll get pulled away from my desk or get caught up in a phone call. It's not like he's ever distracted by 'Dr. Who', 'Top Gear' or that evening's movie. {insert sarcasm here} . As always, he asked me how my day was going. He's always interested in what's going on at work. Here is how that part of our conversation went.

V: how is my sexy girl?
K: lets just say, that if i were coming home to you tonight, i would insist that we order take out and then watch a funny movie with you curled up on the sofa of course. My brain is fried today.

It would have been a perfect night to go home to him with carry out for dinner and we would put on our comfy clothes, eat in front of the TV then curl up on the sofa with a funny movie. That would be perfect therapy for me. Instead, I did go home after work, sat in the truck and had a good cry before making it into the house to make a wonderful taco dinner for my daughter and the evening turned out to be very nice. My girl has a way of doing that for me.

Today was Vernon's day off, what he calls his "Fifth Day". I set my alarm for 6am to give him a call. I always try to call him on his day off since it is only noon over there. Well, I called again and again and he was not home. I knew he had lots to do, like look for blinds for the kitchen door and he likes to visit his parents, and he also spends quality time with his daughter so I wasn't surprised when he didn't answer the phone. I was feeling uneasy and full of anxiety this morning and really needed to talk to him, but I knew he'd be online later because yesterday he said he would be.

I'm feeling panicked and full of anxiety today. I had trouble focusing at work and feeling the physical effects of my stress. My daughter's graduation is in less than a month. I have yet to get out the invitations, order her gift, and finances are very tight. I have good months and bad months, why does this month have to be a bad month? Next month is orientation. We still have so much to do and plan for. I want it to be perfect. She deserves a perfect graduation party. I'm telling Vernon about my feelings, my worries, and how this stress today is affecting me. I could tell he was very worried, sad, and really wanted to help me. I need him on days like this. I cried again today but had to pull myself together because I was at work and I didn't want anyone to see me crying. It's days like this that make me angry that we are so far apart, I miss him so much and I get so tired of struggling with everything by myself day in and day out. I feel alone but then he tells me he loves me and I feel so much better. I remember what I am feeling is temporary and mostly because of the frustration of planning this graduation party and fearing the empty nest, not to mention my daughter, who is my best friend, will be moving 10 hours away from me in the fall. I'm still having trouble focusing so I'm sorry if this seems a bit scattered.

I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful understanding man make me feel so loved and cared for.

My first blog post

I'm not sure where to start. I wish I started this 10 years ago, but my access to the internet and computers has been a bit dodgy so what I think this will be are random thoughts and happenings pertaining to my relationship now, and random flashbacks and memories.

I feel very lucky to have Vernon in my life. He is my best friend. I am amazed that we found each other. One day in September of 1999 I decided to look for a support group for young single parents. I was a 28 yr old mother of a 7yr old. I didn't know what I was doing, felt lonely, had no friends and I had nothing in common with the other mothers who were relatively older than me. Being naive as well as very new to the internet I learned quickly that it was full of perverts, especially the chat rooms. I found single parent postings and discussion boards and read a few by some single moms, but they were all looking for men. I looked at the very few postings for single dads and yes... they were all looking for women. I don't want a date, I just want to talk to someone who knows and understands what I'm going through. I expanded my search to a single parenting site based in the UK. Same thing... the single moms were all hot to trot. I came across this interesting post by a single dad. He has a son my daughter's age and an even younger little girl. He was my age, professional, and didn't mention wanting to find a woman. I thought about emailing him, then figured if he turned into a perv I would just stop emailing. Well, he responded and we've been emailing ever since.

Our communication is mostly chat and email. We do write letters, send cards and gifts and several years ago we had monthly phone calls. The calls stopped because of money and because of his hearing condition which has gotten worse over the years. We have just recently resumed the phone calls because he's got hearing aids and a speaker phone now, and I finally have internet at home and subscribe to Vonage World which is GREAT! I try to call him every week, and when he has days off from work I can call him when I get up in the morning. The time difference is usually 6 hours, except for 2 weeks in the spring when it is only 5. I like that. Visits started in Spring of 2002. We tried for every year but as the kids got older and flights got more expensive, it just got too difficult. Vern has made it out here 3 times and I have made it there 3 times. So, over the last 10 years, we have actually been together, on the same continent, a total of 11 weeks. That's a little over 1 week per year. Wow! And I feel we communicate better than most married couples.

I plan on calling him tomorrow. I'll have to tell him about this blog.