I'm On My Way To The U.K.

I've got my plane ticket and new luggage and I'm getting ready to go live with my husband in England.  It has been a very long, expensive and difficult process but we are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

• I have been living with my parents and then friends for a total of a year and seven months, which hasn't been easy for any of us. 
• I have submitted my letter of resignation and presented my employer with a document and resources regarding UK taxes and being an independent contractor in the UK hoping that they will need my services after I move.
• I had to apply for my settlement visa, which was probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It took us months to get the proper paperwork together. For more details, see my post The Visa Application.
• I have been taking trips back and forth to my storage unit going through my things, throwing things away, giving boxes upon boxes to Goodwill. Today I had the ReStore pick up my furniture.  Months ago I even gave my truck to charity.

None of these things have been very easy for me to do but I manage to get this stuff done.  I plan on working from my UK home in the area of Salesforce consulting and administration.  I am very good at what I do and I absolutely love it! I'm hoping to find some work as a consultant or administrator when I get settled.  

My days in the US are numbered... here is what we have planned:

• Feb 1: Vernon arrives in Upper Michigan but very late in the evening.
• Feb 2: Vernon helps me move out of my friends' house.
• Feb 3: Early morning trip down to Madison, WI to spend time with my family
• Feb 10: Back to Upper Michigan to visit with friends and co-workers.
• Feb 12: Head across the UP and over the Mackinac bridge to spend time with my daughter in Kalamazoo, MI. 
• Feb 14: Visit more family in Detroit area.
• Feb 15: Non stop flight from Detroit to London. 

So there you have it. My schedule for my last few weeks here.  I'm worried I wont see everyone I want to see but I promise that I'll be back someday to visit.

There are a few things I haven't quite figured out yet. If you happen to have any advice, experience or input please let me know!

• Banking. I have yet to talk to my credit union about keeping me on as a member but we'll see what happens. I have to have an American account in order to receive payment from my American clients and take care of my ongoing American expenses.
• Mail. I've been looking at these mail scanning/forwarding companies and the security part makes me nervous.  One I've been looking at in particular is Mailbox Forwarding.  I really need to make a decision on this soon.
• Website. I need to create a website for my Independent Contractor status and I'm not even sure where to start.  I have a Google+ account and there is a way to add business information.  I need a new email address too. 

The worst part of this is leaving my daughter.  She's an adult in college and finishing up her last year but it has always been just the two of us.  Soon she will be venturing out on her own finding out who she wants to be, where she wants to live and what she wants to do.  This decision of whether to move or not has been a difficult one but Vernon has made it very clear to us that she will always be welcome to visit or stay any time she wants.  

My Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin links are located in the upper right under my profile photo if you are interested in keeping in touch or utilizing my Salesforce expertise.  

WISH ME LUCK! 

Visa Update

Well, after sending out my application I have been nervous and stressed about the entire process.  My brain kept thinking horrible thoughts; "What if I missed something? What if I made a mistake on the deadline? What if I get someone who is having a really bad day, and decides to reject every application that crosses his desk?"  Well, I tortured myself for a week and a half and then I got an email. It said I had mailed my application and documents to the wrong place.

I sent everything to New York; apparently they haven't processed settlement applications since 2012. Well f**k me. I also sent the wrong kind of shipping label as they don't take hand written FedEx waybills so I made TWO BIG FAT GIANT mistakes. I forwarded Vern the email and I called my mom. I had trouble holding it together when I told her. {As I'm typing this I'm sitting in a public laundromat with my eyes filling with tears as I recall that horrible day. Hope no one notices.} Anyway, I think I made my mom cry. I  just needed my mom that day, it wasn't my intent to upset her but my parents really want Vernon and I to be happy and to be together.  I cried for days, actually lost my appetite for three days and felt like my life was over.  I will never get to be with my husband.  We will have to re-do this entire process and will have to come up with ANOTHER $1,513, but with the way the economy is going, and how the value of the dollar is getting worse, we would never be able to come up with that amount of money again.  I also pride myself in being an intelligent person and to make such a dumb mistake I was so embarrassed.  People were constantly asking me "Have you heard anything?" and I would lie and say "no".  Only a couple people new what I had done and I really didn't want anyone else to know.

Vernon, my wonderful husband, remained positive and managed to keep me from going out of my mind or slipping into a deep depression.  I got the application and paperwork back after a couple more weeks and more shipping costs. I had to go through my paperwork again because they went through everything in New York.  I put it all together again for the immigration folks in the UK and added a cover letter explaining the embarrassing error.  I went to the post office and sent it again, incurring more shipping costs to get everything to the UK and to get my originals back from the UK. THEN!... there was a mix up in Green Bay with my package because they were being dumb, and an amazing USPS employee here in Iron Mountain went above and beyond to make sure my package made it to the UK when it was supposed to.  At this point I'm feeling as if there is an evil force trying to keep me from moving to the UK.

Well, this is how the rest of this went:

• Monday, October 13: UK Immigration received my application and documents per tracking ID.
• Tuesday, October 14: I received an automated email saying they received my application.  I then received a second automated email saying I'm missing the Appendix 2. {WILL THIS NEVER END?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!} I worked on the Appendix 2 that night.  It is a 17 page document.
• Wednesday, October 15:  Finished working on the Appendix 2 and planned on emailing it from work tomorrow morning.
• Thursday, October 16, 6:30am: I received an automated email saying "A decision has been made and my passport will be shipped via UPS tracking ID blah blah blah..." 

Then all hell breaks loose. I am sobbing uncontrollably, get Vern on a hangout, I can barely talk I'm crying so hard, as I naturally assume they have denied me.  "I haven't turned in the Appendix 2 yet!" There was no deadline, it hadn't been 2 days yet. Why would they do this to us? I've worked so hard, I'm employed, I'm responsible, I deserve to live with my husband!  Why didn't they wait for the Appendix 2?  Vernon did some research while I'm hyper ventilating and crying and he's remaining unusually positive.  I think he's being crazy as there is no way they'd approved me.  My passport was picked up by UPS before I even emailed the Appendix 2 but I emailed it anyway.

• Monday, October 20: the package arrives via UPS at work. I have to wait until Vern is home from work and I go into my boss' office and start a hangout.  I open the package together with Vern, he looked like he was about to be sick and felt like this was not going to be good at all, I started to cry before I even got it open.  I found my passport and went through it... > > > > >

YUP, I GOT IT! {CRYING AGAIN}

The Visa Application

This visa application process has many steps.  After I knew I had all the information I needed I had to log into the UK Visas and Immigration site and start the process there.  I had to create an account and submit my application electronically.  Vernon was online with me in a Google Hangout and we were screen sharing so he could help me with whatever information I needed, and it was a good thing he was there.  This application took us nearly 3 hours to complete. Not sure if that is the norm or if we did a lot of talking or what but we were online with this application for quite some time.  This is not something to rush through so if you are going to do this, make sure you have plenty of time set aside and access to your sponsor or family member for any questions.  You can save the application without processing it so if you need to save it unfinished you can do that too.  It's also good to save as you go. I made the mistake of not saving which I think is one of the reasons it took us so long to get this done.  We also had to pay for our application during this time.  In US dollars it cost us $1,513.  That amount will most likely change as the currency exchange fluctuates.

After I completed the online application I had to pick a location and date to get my biometrics done.  I chose Milwaukee because I planned on being in the area in a few weeks and it would give me time to get my supporting documents together.   It is very important to print and keep these three items: 1. Your completed application. You will need it for your biometrics appointment.  2. Your biometrics appointment letter. You can't get past security without it. 3. Proof of application payment.  I don't remember if they looked at it at my biometrics appointment but you will need to send it along with your application and supporting documents.  When it came time for my appointment I arrived at the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services office in Milwaukee. (USCIS) The security was the same as at an airport. I read that phones and beverages are not allowed so I just left it all in the car.  <<<Me parked with a view of the building I have to go to.  I got there early which was REALLY REALLY smart.  When I got there I had plenty of places to park, there was no one there except one family, but maybe 10 minutes after I arrived the people started pouring in.  I showed security my US Passport (photo ID) and my appointment letter and they x-rayed my purse and went through it.  After security I was asked to stand in front of another door and wait for someone to help me.  They looked at my letter, application and photo ID, wrote something on my application and told me to have a seat and wait until my number is called.  After a short wait, my number was called, I went into another room and a very friendly woman had me clean my hands with sanitizer. She took my photo, then had me stand in front of this glass plate where she wiped my fingertips and placed my fingers on the glass.  My fingerprints appeared before my eyes on the screen in front of me. It was very cool! No ink, no mess! Everyone from security to the fingerprint lab was very professional and friendly and kept people moving along. My appointment was for 11am, but I got there before 10:30 and I was out of there before 11.

  

Finally, I had to get my supporting documents together.  I didn't put in as much time before the appointment as I should have, and then took a road trip to see my daughter the weekend after my appointment which left me only with a few days to make my copies and put all my paperwork together.  I miscalculated how  much time I would actually need to do this.  I had access to a large table where I could spread out and worked every night for 3 nights until midnight, During this time I got really sick, landing me in bed over the weekend that I was supposed to finish putting this stuff together.  I finally got it finished 2 days later than I would have liked, but I was still within the 2 week deadline after my biometrics appointment.  Remember to be mindful of the deadlines.  The paperwork ended up being 11 pounds and I spent over $100 to have it overnighted.  I also included a box and shipping label for returning my originals.  It was hectic, stressful and very emotional when that package was taken from my sight but now it's just time to sit back and wait until I hear from the UK whether my visa application is accepted or not.  They say 8-12 weeks so we'll see how it goes.

The Passport

Well, in order to get the process of this Visa thing going I need a passport.  I had one, but I need to change it to my married name and it had just expired.  All I had to do was fill out the DS-82, (make sure you fit the criteria first to use this form). I got this off the Travel.State.Gov website.  Then I went to the post office and had them look over the form and take my picture.  That was fun because the lady taking my picture was pretty short, she was holding the camera over her head and had to re-do my photo about three times.  I also need two passport photos for my Visa application so I asked for extra copies and she was able to print those off too.  There is an extra fee for the passport photos.  It is not included in the passport fee.  Same government, different departments.  She cut the photo for me and stapled it to my application.  I then had to mail my application, attached photo, original Marriage Certificate (to show proof of name change), and my most recent passport with a check for $170.00 ($110.00/passport, $60.00 to expedite) and mail it all to the special expedited passports address on the application.  Super easy. Expensive, but super easy.  I'm now waiting for my passport to come back so I can continue with getting my Visa paperwork together.  Should take 2-3 weeks.  I am able to check the status if I want at the same website.

The Visa information states that I am not allowed to smile. It messes with the facial recognition software or something?  So I'm trying to keep a straight face.  The postal employee is trying to make me laugh and I did crack a smile but I'm mumbling, "I can't smile!" and he's doing this song and dance thing.  Lucky we got the picture because I was losing hope.

Because of the sudden moving situation I really haven't been focused on Visa paperwork, just the passport and getting packed and moved.  It's been stressful but I'm feeling better about the move, feel much happier in general, and really excited to be moving in with such a wonderful friend who is very accommodating and generous.

Have you or anyone you know gone through this process?  Any tips or advice for me or Vernon?  I'll take everything I can get.

Three Very Special Children

I have had the fortune to follow the journey of a very special 5yr old boy who was diagnosed with a Wilms' tumor on his kidney. He had his kidney removed and went through months of chemo. I know this boy's dad professionally. It was tough reading through every Caring Bridge update knowing he and his family were facing this tragedy. Well, I was given the opportunity to meet this amazing little "warrior" (as his parents called him) at his "cancer free" celebration and I was amazed. This kid did NOT have an ounce of brat in him. I watched him play. He included the other kids and shared with them. When adults spoke to him he smiled and gave them his attention. He was still a 5yr old that would rather be playing than talking to a boring grown up, but he stood there smiling while I introduced myself and he nodded yes or no to questions I had asked him. The coolest thing about this sweet kid is that he is probably the biggest Star Wars fan EVER! I wanted to hug him. I wanted to hug his dad and his mom who I briefly met once about 3 years ago. I was really impressed with this skinny little bald kid (who actually did have some peach fuzz growing on his head). As I followed his journey I would be filled with sadness, amazement and shame. Shame? During the same time I was going through recovery of both a knee and back injury. I often cried and hated everyone and everything and felt like this was all going to last forever. Then my thoughts would go to this little warrior who had to endure being poked and prodded and drugged to the point of being sick and losing his motor skills. I felt so ashamed for whining about having to use crutches and not being able to leave the house due to the pain I was in. What my colleague was going through with his son is the sort of thing that puts life into perspective and makes you realize how very strong we can be.


Next I want to mention a special little 14mo. old baby. She is the niece of one of my best friends who I have known since high school. In the same week that I celebrated with the little jedi warrior, I received the terrible news of this little peanut. She’s got Neuroblastoma and her journey is just beginning. Her family is holding a benefit to raise funds for her care. There is a facebook event for those who would like to attend the benefit or learn how to help.  There is also information on how to donate by checking out Julia's Journey.  This hard working farming family is one of the kindest families I have the honor of knowing and it breaks my heart to know their sweet little daughter/niece/granddaughter is going to have to endure these surgeries and cancer treatments. My thoughts and prayers go out to Julia and her family.

Finally, I came across an amazing story because I follow Vernon’s local news on facebook,This Is Somerset. I read about a sweet little boy who is 1 of 500 in the world with a very rare disease called Lymphangiomatosis. I guess from reading up 

on it, it is very fatal and very painful. Why does it have to reach such a beautiful little boy? To raise funds for his care and raise awareness of this terrible disease, his dad is walking around the UK. YES! He’s walking around the UK! What an amazing task. You can follow the walk on their facebook page,Walk-For Lymphangiomatosis and they also have a website which includes detailed information about the walk and how to donate. He started his walk on Sunday, July 24 and is doing well. If you are in the UK, check out the map, he may end up walking through a town near you. I have never met this family, but I now think of them every day and have been keeping them in my prayers. 


I have really been touched by these three Sweethearts and their families. Please keep these children in your thoughts and prayers. If you can donate or send them encouraging words I'm sure it would be appreciated. I like to be optimistic and hopeful and feel that this is just temporary for all three of these kids and they will grow up to be incredible amazing adults who will make a difference in this world, mainly because they come from such loving parents and incredible families who live in supportive communities.

Still Swooning Over the Royal Wedding

I don't know why... but this wedding was the most fun I had since I was actually IN England and I haven't even done a post on it yet. I was reading one of my favorite blogs and noticed an exciting post by Melissa of Smitten By Britain. The Royal Wedding DVD will be out soon! That inspired me to finally write about what I thought about the wedding. Prince William is so charming... (sorry for the pun); and Kate is so classy and down to earth. There is nothing "common" about Kate. Haters were getting sick

of all the hype about the wedding, the specials on every channel, the interviews with crazy royalty memorabilia collectors, look-a-likes making dance videos and the history of their relationship. I could never decide which channel to land on, but would stop if I saw Sharon Osbourne or Piers Morgan, two of my favorite Brits. While I was in England only 2 weeks before the wedding I could see all the tv ads for party supplies, bakeries, jewelers selling the similar famous engagement ring and retailers selling party dresses and fancy hats. Vern and I had been in Corfe and Swanage for the day and did some souvenir shopping. I saw magnets, keychains, spoons, bells, notebooks, jewelry boxes and this plate. I looked at these items, picked up other things for friends and family, came back to the Will and Kate stuff, looked at them again, picked them up, put them down, and told myself that I need to spend my money on postcards for my collection, Heidi and "the babies" (my niece and nephews). I knew I'd regret it but got over it.... well, we got home that night and everyone showed up to wish me a Happy Birthday and low and behold I got the same plate I saw earlier from Vernon's mother. I just started laughing out loud! It is so pretty and English and exactly what I wanted. And to think I nearly bought something like this myself.  I have it proudly displayed on my shelf above my desk at work next to my model trolley car from San Francisco and my model red double decker bus from London.

I loved everything about the hype, the procession, the cheering, the flags, the people, and the ceremony. The ceremony was wonderful. I especially loved Kate's dress. Wow! So simple and elegant. It was perfect. And her sister looked like a Hollywood movie star. It was fun finding the occasional famous person... well, lots of those people were famous, so I should say famous people that I actually knew. I loved the dresses and shoes and hats... all the hats! I'm not a hat person, but they are fun to look at. Some were just terrible too.... loved laughing at them! Like the two I call "the two ugly stepsisters". OMG! I had no idea who they were, but then later I found out they were the daughters of Sarah Ferguson who wasn't invited to the wedding, all of which I didn't understand until I read up on it later.... drama drama drama... now back on track to "the two ugly stepsisters". Those outfits!  That blue dress was, um.... yeah. And then that bow hat... what was that? Do they not own mirrors? If I were there I would have wanted to throw a bean bag through the hoop to win the prize. I guess when you are rich you can dress how you want no matter how hideous.

The moments after the ceremony were wonderful. The carriage ride was out of a fairytale, (YES! I said "fairytale"!) and the march of all the people to the gates of Buckingham Palace...I was amazed at how orderly the people were escorted, and the crowds went on forever. I couldn't believe how many people were there, especially the crazy Americans. Then the kiss... I nearly missed that because I had to get ready for work and they finally kissed... TWICE! So cute.

  

The best part of the wedding wasn't waking up at 4am,  finding the right channel to watch on TV, or logging onto the official Royal YouTube channel and keeping an eye on both screens so I don't miss a thing.  The best part was that little "beep" that led me to discover that..... VERN IS ONLINE!!!!!!! I tell him I'm going to call so we watched the wedding together. It was perfect. Watching the most perfect wedding on the phone with the most perfect man. It was great and I was in a happy giddy mood for the rest of the day at work.

Long Distance Relationship Q&A

The site that I am a member of, www.lovingfromadistance.com, has a facebook page. Lately they have been posting a couple questions per day. I have had fun answering them so I thought I would post my answers here.

Q: What guilty pleasure do you have from being in a long distance relationship? (ldr)
A:  I don't have to shave my legs if I don't want to.

Q: Name one thing you like about where your bf lives.
A: The English. I don't know if it's a country wide trait or if it's just a trait the people in the southwest have but everyone makes me feel welcome and they are so very friendly. I'd also have to say that when I visit, it's usually in March/April so here I'm leaving behind blizzards and ice storms and arriving into beautiful weather where there are yellow daffodils EVERYWHERE. When I see yellow daffodils, I think of England.  

Q: What is the last negative thing someone said regarding your bf or your ldr?
A: Well, anyone that knows Vernon would never have anything negative to say about him. He's that kind of man. I do recall an incident where a male friend of mine insisted I was being too naive to assume that Vernon wouldn't be out having sex with other women, because that's what men do, they need sex and they cheat. When he said that to me, all I could feel was sorry for him because he'll never know what it's like to love and trust someone the way we do.

Q: What keeps you and your bf in an ldr?
A: Our kids. He has 2, I have one. We are both single parents and both decided to continue to put our children first. My daughter, and his oldest are only 2 weeks apart. As they go off to school or move out to become independent adults, Vernon and I will think more about our future together and close this long distance gap.

Q: If a novel is written about your ldr, what would the title be?
A: I'm having trouble thinking of one, but when I do I will edit this post and add it. I asked this of Vernon too to see what he would say and he wasn't very helpful either. (Thanks Honey!) :)

Q:How and when did you first tell your bf "I love you"?
A: Wow, I don't remember. Does that make me a bad girlfriend? I'm sure we had to be conversing for at least a year because long before the time that we met in person (2 years) we were in love with each other. I have also been signing letters and emails "Yours Forever" for as long as I can remember. Honey, if you remember the specific "event" please refresh my memory because I would like to know.

Valentine's day 2010. Those heart shaped boxes are full of candy, chocolate and cookies!

Q: Who is more romantic?
A: He is, just when I think I have him figured out and know what to expect, he surprises the crap outta me!



Q: If you could take a snapshot of the mood of your relationship right NOW, describe what it would be in one word.
A: At the time of this question, it was Tuesday, August 3 @ 3:40pm. SERIOUS; we were chatting about taxes, school, kids and work via IM, as noted in my last post.

Q: What was the last holiday or special occasion that you had to spend apart? How did you share that special day together?
A: It was Heidi's graduation. This was a big day not only for her but for me too. High School graduation is a major step in someones life and we both worked really hard to get here. She's been accepted to several Universities but will be attending Western Michigan University, and on a 4 year tuition scholarship. Without that scholarship, she would not be going to college. I wanted Vernon and the kids here. They needed to be here, but asking 3 people to cross 3,500 miles of ocean is not very practical. Instead, Vernon and I went in together and got Heidi a netbook computer. I took several pictures of graduation, her opening the gift and the graduation party so he wouldn't feel like he missed everything.

 

Q: How many relationships have you been in? Is your ldr longer than any of those relationships?

A: I married my first relationship. We met and were divorced within 3 years. Vernon and I met 5 years later and have been together for nearly 11 years.

Q: What was your first impression when you first met your bf?

A: After about a year  we finally exchanged pictures. I had already fallen in love and I didn't know what he looked like.When I saw his picture for the first time I began to cry. His photo was amazing, so handsome and adorable. I thought there is no way he will ever love me, I'm not pretty, especially not enough for him.

Q: What is your sign compatibility? Use http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/signcompatiblitygrid.html

A: "CLASH" That's funny because we are opposite in so many areas, which is why I think we compliment each other so well.








Q: What do you disagree on?
A: I insist that "pants" are in fact pants, not underwear. I can't bring myself to say "trousers". That is a creepy old man word.

Q: On your first night out to eat together, do you remember what you ordered?
A: He had steak. I may have had chicken, I don't remember. I was so nervous. We were at a bar and grill in downtown Chicago.

Q: If you could travel back in time before you met your bf, what advice would you give yourself?
A: Enroll in a frequent flier plan NOW!

Q: How would you handle it if your bf cheated on you? If it happened long distance, would the distance make it more difficult to regain trust?
A: I don't know what I would do. I've never thought about it because it's something I've never worried about. We both have been hurt in the past.

Q: What is the preferred mode of transportation to visit your bf? How long does it take for you to get there?
A: 4 hours by car to bus station, 2 hours to airport by bus then about 12 hours of flying not including layovers. I go over 24 hours without sleep, but it's well worth it.

Q: Have you ever hid or avoided talking about your ldr to avoid embarrassment or criticism?
A: Yes. People react like it's odd that I'm in a long distance relationship, that we met online and that it's been so long and that it's stupid that I haven't moved there already. I actually had one male friend tell me that I was stupid and naive to think that he wasn't going out and having sex with other women and cheating on me. "Men need sex and that is what they do." I felt sorry for him that he will never know what it's actually like to love and trust someone the way that Vernon and I do.

Q: Do you have nicknames for each other?
A: I call him Honey or Sweetheart. He calls me Sexy Chicken! I love the way he says "Darling" too.

Q: What one thing do you cherish most from your bf?
A: Years ago he sent me a cross necklace. I loved it. Was stolen when we had our break in a year ago, but I'll never forget it.

Q: How many days have you been with your bf?
A: As of 7/27/2010 3pm - 3,964 days.

Q: If you were offered a free life sized cut out of your bf would you accept it?
A: YES! I love looking at him.

Q: What was the last thing you or your bf sent each other in the mail?
A: Postcards. I got them to cheer him up and sent them quite often.

Q: Where is your dream vacation spot?
A: We've always wanted to go somewhere hot and sandy.


Q: How many people do you know who are in an ldr?
A: None

Q: If you could have only 24 hours with your bf, how would you spend your time together?
A: Tee Hee.... next question...

Q: How many visits have you had with your bf? Which one is the most memorable?
A: Six visits totaling 11 weeks in the last 10 years, 10months. Our very first visit in Chicago is the most memorable for me.

Q: Name one thing that makes your bf more special than anyone.
A: He accepts everything about me, doesn't try to change me, and brings the best out of me. I never feel like I have to prove myself or try to make him happy.

Practical Conversations

Vernon and I are in a long distance relationship.  Not only are we in a long distance relationship, we have been in this ldr for nearly 11 years.  Our looks have changed, our personalities have changed, our kids have grown and our conversations have evolved.  We usually chat around my lunch hour or while I'm working so there are a lot of pauses due to me multi-tasking. I often have important things to discuss with Vernon because I talk to him before making any major decisions regarding anything and when I need advice on a challenge I am facing. He is my logical thinker, he knows me better than anyone else, and I trust him completely. His input is important to me as he is very intelligent and straight forward. He is honest and I love that about him. Today we were discussing taxes, credit cards, our next 2 visits and work.

Vernon was talking about his council taxes. I had no clue what that meant so I asked.  He explained something to me that resembled city property taxes. I pay rent, always have, so I've never directly had to pay property taxes, although my rent pays the taxes for the house I live in. I found that to be interesting, it's set up a little differently over there. I'd like to know more about it but today was not the day.

We also talked about credit cards. He and I share different opinions about them, his more conservative than mine, and I didn't like what he said to me, but he was being honest. We don't have to agree on everything. I hate money, I don't have enough to pay my basic bills, I have a truck to fix and I need to see the Dr. but I have more than a lot of people so I shouldn't complain.

I really want Vern to come out with his daughter, she wants to see America and I want to show her a wonderful time here, but we just don't have the money. I suggested he send her alone, but she's still a bit young and has never traveled before. He suggested I visit early 2011. I'd love to do the Christmas trip again, but not without my girl, and we can't afford 2 adults so that would mean she would have to save her money and she wont be working that many hours. So.... I'm not sure yet.  We are also planning a trip in 2012, our friends are getting married in Bristol, UK. I'm planning this trip alone, if my daughter sticks to her plan, she'll be in Australia by then. Vernon said he doesn't want to wait until 2012 to see me, and I don't want to wait either. Right now flights are super cheap, I want to nail something down soon.

We always ask each other about work. We both have challenges that we are faced with every day, him more than me. I love my job, but it can be overwhelming at times. There are days when I can't wait until I talk to him so I can tell him how I've been kickin' butt and days when I need to talk to him because I don't think I can do this anymore... he always tells me how talented and smart I am and gets me out of those ruts. I hope I'm able to do the same for him when he's frustrated with his job.

I love these talks that we have, even though we weren't very lovey dovey, we never forget to tell the other "I love you". Couples need to have these discussions in addition to the mushy ones, I think that's what makes us a serious couple. We aren't in fantasy land and have our feet on the ground, however when we are together those 2 weeks every couple of years our feet don't really touch the ground until it's time to go home. I have to say this about him, he is very disciplined when it comes to money, and if he managed mine I'd probably be in a better situation. When we were wrapping up our conversation he said to me, "I'll let you know when I win the lottery" and I replied, "Me too". That would be sweet wouldn't it?

My first blog post

I'm not sure where to start. I wish I started this 10 years ago, but my access to the internet and computers has been a bit dodgy so what I think this will be are random thoughts and happenings pertaining to my relationship now, and random flashbacks and memories.

I feel very lucky to have Vernon in my life. He is my best friend. I am amazed that we found each other. One day in September of 1999 I decided to look for a support group for young single parents. I was a 28 yr old mother of a 7yr old. I didn't know what I was doing, felt lonely, had no friends and I had nothing in common with the other mothers who were relatively older than me. Being naive as well as very new to the internet I learned quickly that it was full of perverts, especially the chat rooms. I found single parent postings and discussion boards and read a few by some single moms, but they were all looking for men. I looked at the very few postings for single dads and yes... they were all looking for women. I don't want a date, I just want to talk to someone who knows and understands what I'm going through. I expanded my search to a single parenting site based in the UK. Same thing... the single moms were all hot to trot. I came across this interesting post by a single dad. He has a son my daughter's age and an even younger little girl. He was my age, professional, and didn't mention wanting to find a woman. I thought about emailing him, then figured if he turned into a perv I would just stop emailing. Well, he responded and we've been emailing ever since.

Our communication is mostly chat and email. We do write letters, send cards and gifts and several years ago we had monthly phone calls. The calls stopped because of money and because of his hearing condition which has gotten worse over the years. We have just recently resumed the phone calls because he's got hearing aids and a speaker phone now, and I finally have internet at home and subscribe to Vonage World which is GREAT! I try to call him every week, and when he has days off from work I can call him when I get up in the morning. The time difference is usually 6 hours, except for 2 weeks in the spring when it is only 5. I like that. Visits started in Spring of 2002. We tried for every year but as the kids got older and flights got more expensive, it just got too difficult. Vern has made it out here 3 times and I have made it there 3 times. So, over the last 10 years, we have actually been together, on the same continent, a total of 11 weeks. That's a little over 1 week per year. Wow! And I feel we communicate better than most married couples.

I plan on calling him tomorrow. I'll have to tell him about this blog.